How do you accept a compliment?

If you find yourself rejecting praise from others, you’re not alone. Like you, I’ve had my moments of doubt too. I’ve spent years observing people and how they accept (or don’t accept ) a compliment.

This is what I’ve discovered. Rejecting a compliment is a poison that erodes self-confidence. You convince yourself you’re not good enough. It’s a deprecating message that doesn’t serve you well. Successful people communicate positive affirmations and internal messages of self-worth and value.  Communication and self-confidence are the cornerstones to success.

In sharing the following 10 tips on handling compliments, let’s use the simple example of your co-worker Caroline who is admiring your jacket.

1. Do avoid arguing. When Caroline offers kind words about your jacket, simply respond with a confident, “Thank you.”  Then smile and close your mouth. Be gracious.

2. Do lighten up. Accepting a compliment should not appear to be torture. Be comfortable in your own skin.

3. Do stand up tall, strong and proud. Use positive body language and make eye contact. This is not about arrogance. It’s about self-confidence and humility.

4. Do believe what you have heard. Take a moment to truly internalize what Caroline has said. In your mind, know that she is being genuine. And yes indeed, you are deserving of her compliment.

5. Do practice. If you’ve been in the habit of rejecting praise for months or years, this will take some time. Be patient with yourself. It’s about awareness and changing comfortable patterns.

6. Don’t point out the negative.  Caroline may say, “I love your jacket, that shade of blue looks great on you.” Don’t respond with, “I wanted black but they were sold out, I’m so disappointed.” Another common response to avoid is, “You know the color faded here on the sleeve after it came back from the dry cleaner.”  Ugggh.

7. Don’t argue.  When Caroline remarks, “Is that a new jacket; I really like it”, don’t tell her it’s so old you wanted to donate it to Goodwill but couldn’t afford a new jacket…bitch, whine, complain, bellyache, pity party, Debbie Downer…. you get the picture.

8. Don’t look away. Good eye contact is a sign of confidence. You are not in denial or embarrassed. You are good!

9. Don’t discount watching TV. For real. Years ago, I saw a soap opera that featured a boyfriend and girlfriend in their 20′s sitting next to one another on a couch. The man was clearly smitten. He looked lovingly into the eyes of his girlfriend and told her how much he adored her. When he came up for air, the woman gently tilted her head to one side, slightly flipped her hair, looked him straight in the eye and smiled. She never uttered a word. OK, the drama of daytime TV aside, this woman didn’t need to say anything. She accepted the compliments without opening her mouth. Quiet self-confidence. What a beautiful thing.

10. Don’t shift the attention. When Caroline offers you kind words on your jacket, stay with it for a few seconds. Don’t reply with, “Your jacket is really stylish” or, “Is that a new haircut?”  This isn’t about Caroline. It’s about you. You can compliment her another time. Savor your moment.

Your positive response to a compliment can make the ”Caroline’s” of the world feel good too. Consider that she is offering you a special gift and you are open to receiving it.

By the way, if you want to supercharge your self-confidence and communication skills, sign up now for my free 21-day video series, Speaking of Communication.

(Photo Credit: H2O’s Photos)