Self-Confidence — Get In Front Communications

8 classic quotes from New York Mayor Ed Koch

by Susan Young at 3:54 pm Leave a Comment

The beloved former Mayor of New York City, Ed Koch passed away early today.

He may be gone, but he leaves behind a trove of sound bites and quotes for us to enjoy.

Koch was a three-term mayor in New York (1978-1989), a time defined by near financial ruin, government corruption, and AIDS. He was an author and activist. He even appeared on The People’s Court.

A man who often asked people, ”How’m I doin’?,” Koch has been described as acid-tongued, feisty, and pretentious. He was an iconic New Yorker.

I remember Ed Koch’s press conferences and interviews being laced with ‘ah’s’ and ‘ums’. These are the cardinal sins of Toastmasters and professional speakers.

But for Ed Koch, his vocal habits weren’t sinful. They defined him as being real. Mayor Koch spoke his mind. There was nothing tricky about him. Koch’s press conferences showed him without a jacket, sporting a wrinkled shirt, and rolled-up sleeves. Watch out.

Maybe you followed him on Twitter @Mayoredkoch

Here are some classics to shed light on how Mayor Koch communicated and lived:

1. “I know many writers who first dictate passages, then polish what they have dictated. I speak, then I polish. Occasionally I do windows.”

2. “You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it’s good for one’s self-respect to be a punching bag.”

3. “Tone can be as important as text.”

4. His advice to young people: “Enjoy what you’re doing or don’t do it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult or won’t challenge you, but if you are involved in something that’s causing you to say, ‘Why am I doing this?’ then you’re in the wrong business.”

5. The Mayor, who had never married, was asked by reporters about his sexuality. His response: ”My answer to questions on this subject is simply, ‘F— off.’ There have to be some private matters left.”

6. Koch’s spokesman George Arzt remembered Hizzoner’s sense of humor. “I got into the car and said I couldn’t believe how a kid who grew up in Williamsburg was now sitting next to the mayor. Then the mayor said: “Oh shut, up. Everybody comes from somewhere.”

7. In one of his last interviews, Koch told Vanity Fair Magazine: “At age 88, I wake up every morning and say to myself, ‘Well, I’m still in New York. Thank you, God.’”

8. In 1983, Mayor Koch bought a burial plot at the Trinity Church Cemetery. It was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had space. Koch, who was Jewish, told the Associated Press: ”I don’t want to leave Manhattan, even when I’m gone. This is my home. The thought of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me.” Soon after he purchased the burial plot, Mayor Koch had an engraved marker placed at the site. It has the last words of slain journalist Daniel Pearl: ”"My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.”

Rest in peace, Mayor Koch.

(Image via)

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, media, Self-Confidence Tagged With: Communication, communications, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Interpersonal Communication, interviews, Leadership, listening, Mayor Ed Koch, media, message, New York, News, politics, PR, Press conference, rapport, reporters, Self-Confidence, Success, Writing

The most important second

by Susan Young at 3:18 pm 2 Comments

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”—Spanish Proverb

Much has been written about time and procrastination. We often don’t realize how precious time is until faced with a crisis, usually related to our health or mortality.

We spend obscene amounts of time watching mindless reality shows and TV. We dwell on our past mistakes and worry about future problems. We read books and attend presentations on time management and productivity. We fool ourselves.

And here we are on New Year’s Eve when everyone is keenly aware of the time. Social channels are filled with posts and stories assessing the past 12 months, and predicting trends for the next 12 months.

We stay up until midnight, count down the seconds, and watch festivities on TV. We kiss our loved ones.

That one second seems so important, and then it’s gone. In that split second of the clock striking 12, the calendar page turns and…here we are.

What’s really changed?

Most of us go back to the same patterns and habits that frustrated us last year. We fail to take on new challenges and opportunities to learn, grow, and change. We’re stuck in a comfort zone of mediocrity. Our fears and paralyzing beliefs have joined us in the New Year. Damn.

We don’t need a clock or resolution to become better people and discover our gifts and talents. We simply need to decide that it’s time. We can decide in February, July, or September. Don’t procrastinate on living your life with purpose and soul.

The Bottom Line: The most important second is not on New Year’s Eve. It’s right now.

Happy New Year!

Filed Under: Business, Communication, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: 2013, Attitude, Business, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Motivation, New Year's Eve, productivity, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Social Media, Success, time management, TV

Really, Katie Couric: Now you want to talk about your eating disorder?

by Susan Young at 12:44 am 2 Comments

She’s been a mouthpiece for hard and soft news stories for decades. She’s interviewed hundreds if not thousands of doctors, mental health professionals, celebrities and models. She has two daughters and comes from a family of four sisters.

Yes, Katie Couric endured the tragic loss of her 44-year-old husband to colon cancer. To educate people about the disease and prevention, she had a colonoscopy that was streamed live on the Internet. She’s had mammograms that were broadcast to the world as well.

Talk is cheap

I sit here with mixed feelings as to why Couric decided now would be a good time to reveal that she had suffered from bulimia. Is it because her new talk show needed some excitement and viewers? If so, Couric’s intention is beyond pathetic.

When someone like Couric—with the power of the microphone and camera—has an opportunity to be genuine and help even one of the million Americans affected by bulimia and other eating disorders—why would she close her mouth?

Most people with eating disorders are young, pre-teen girls. People die from eating disorders all the time, yet few people acknowledge how serious this diagnosis can be.

When I think of the number of people struggling with this disease (including in my own family), I wonder in disgust who could have been helped or inspired had Couric only come clean.

The real star

Couric reveals her bulimia “secret” on-the-air to singer Demi Lovato, a 20-something-year-old who has the guts and courage to bring her own very personal story public.

Lovato has been open about her demons and battle with an eating disorder, depression, and drugs. She’s been willing to record public service announcements and talk with teens about her struggles, recovery, and how the media and society unfairly put pressure on girls about their weight, clothing, and social lives. In keeping quiet, Katie Couric has opted to pour gasoline on the fire. How could she?

Today’s revelation by Couric is a disgrace. Sure, she’s entitled to her privacy and has no obligation to share everything in her past. But how dare she interview people like Kate Middleton and others and comment during the interviews about their weight and appearance.

The power to help—or not

Several months ago, I watched Piers Morgan interview Janet Jackson. She spoke at length about her “pudgy childhood”, lack of self-esteem, poor body image and obsession with exercise. She never once used the phrase “eating disorder.” Instead Jackson said she has long had an unhealthy relationship with food.

Janet Jackson managed to dance around the real issue. And now we learn that the cat seems to have had Katie Couric’s tongue for three decades.

It’s disingenuous at best that Couric is now talking about her illness.

Celebrities who have the courage to share their personal stories are the ones worth listening to.

Can someone please pull the plug on Katie Couric’s microphone?

Filed Under: Communicators, Interpersonal Relationships, media, News, PR, Self-Confidence, Success, Women Tagged With: Attitude, Bulimia, Communication, Demi Lovato, Depression, Eating disorders, Food, Healthy, interviews, Janet Jackson, Katie Couric, media, message, News, PR, Relationships, Self-Confidence, TV ratings, Women

Musings from a new 50-year-old

by Susan Young at 7:53 pm 11 Comments

Today’s my “big birthday.” 5-0.

I won’t reflect on ”Where did the time go?”

I won’t say 50 is the new 30. Gravity tells me otherwise.

I will say that this past week I have become remarkably indifferent about this birthday.

I was going to write a post such as, “50 things PR has taught me.” Or, ”50 snappy lessons from a 50-year-old.” Blah, blah, blah.

Instead, let’s go back 25 years. It’s 1987. On my 25th birthday, I sat in the den in the house I grew up in and talked with my mom.

When she expressed shock that I was 25 (and she wasn’t), I responded that I hadn’t accomplished much in 25 years. But of course, a mother’s wisdom emerged with this gem:

“You’ve been in school for most of your 25 years. It’s the next 25 years that will be more telling. G-dwilling, we should revisit this conversation when you’re 50. Then if you say that you haven’t done much, that’s a different story.”

Good point.

Today, I’m blessed that my parents are still with me and have seen my accomplishments these past 25 years. Naturally, they have been there for the rough patches, too. Which leads me to being grateful for my own two children, my husband, Andrew, my sisters, brother-in-law and their families. Throw in a big extended family, too.

As a 50-year-old, I will share this with you:

I checked the mirror this morning to make certain I didn’t wake up with a moustache. Mood swings: Stay tuned.
I have stopped short of cutting my hair like Jamie Lee Curtis.
I still get a peculiar look on my face when I look in the garage at my 2012 Hyundai Elantra. It’s a far cry from my first car, a 1981 Chevy Camaro.

It’s been a hell of a run these past 25 years.

Big plans for me? Not so much. I won’t be spending time trying to figure out what the next two decades may bring.

Instead, I’ll be busy taking a few deep breaths and enjoying the blessings of the moment.

Every day should be celebrated like this. It’s all I’ve got.

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Motivation, Self-Confidence, Success, Women Tagged With: Attitude, communications, Interpersonal Communication, Motivation, rapport, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success

7 ways to communicate like an Olympic star

by Susan Young at 4:40 pm Leave a Comment

Opening ceremonies for the summer Olympics take place in London this week.

What traits do athletes competing in the 2012 games need to bring home the gold?

Determination, focus, drive, motivation, and a competitive will to win are the qualities that come to mind.

Successful professionals have developed these same attributes as well.

Here are quotes from seven Olympic medalists about their experiences. Their insights apply to each of us.

1. “When I race my mind is full of doubts: Who will finish second, who will finish third?”- Noureddine Morceli, Algerian athlete, 1996 Summer Olympics

Communications tip: Self-talk is the most important communication you will ever have. It determines your success or your mediocrity.

2. “It was my favorite memory of all competitive events, because it was brand new and it was exciting.” – Scott Hamilton, American figure skater, 1984 Winter Olympics

Communications tip: Develop your creativity. Notice that Hamilton didn’t say the games were notable because they were boring and stale. Instead, he goes for thrilling.

3. “When we stage the Olympics it will inspire kids all over the country. A kid in Scotland or Ireland will be encouraged to take up sport.”- Daley Thompson, British decathlete, 2-time winner at the Olympics

Communications tip: Set the stage for success and inspiration. The ‘stage’ is your website, blog, videos, pins, e-mail marketing and news pitches.

4. “A lifetime of training for just ten seconds.” Jesse Owens, 1936 Summer Olympics

Communications tip: Clear your mind of idle chatter and be in the moment.

5. “I am building a fire, and every day I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match.”- Mia Hamm, American soccer player, 2004 Summer Olympics

Communications tip: In your PR and marketing campaigns, be sure you know the precise time to light the match. This applies to public speaking and blogging, too.

6. ”Never put an age limit on your dreams.” –Dara Torres, Olympic swimming champion

Communications tip: You can reinvent yourself and your brand. You can learn new technology and ways to do things. Don’t believe me? Get out of your own way and see what happens.

7. “Nobody needs to prove to anybody what they’re worthy of, just the person that they look at in the mirror. That’s the only person you need to answer to.”- Picabo Street, former Olympic alpine skiing champion

Communications tip: If you’re communicating weakness instead of worthiness, it’s time to make changes.

Olympians are committed to going the extra mile. Are you?

Filed Under: Branding, Communication, Public Relations, Self-Confidence, Social Media, Success Tagged With: Attitude, Business, Communication, PR, Public Relations, Self-Confidence, Social Media, Success

Do you know the 1 class needed for success?

by Susan Young at 7:02 pm 2 Comments

Schools here in San Antonio, Texas are out for the summer, and once again, I can’t locate any school in any town or city that teaches the one lesson that all children need for success. The Class of 2012 at my niece’s high school graduation this week danced around the topic a bit, but no one actually said it. Yes, the students have been congratulated for memorizing and regurgitating information from textbooks. They have managed to pass numerous standardized tests. Many will soon head to college.

The one class that is missing from every single school curriculum in the nation is a class on self-love. Hard-core business leaders and educators at Stanford, Wharton, and MIT are probably cringing. But many have learned — independently — that this is indeed the secret to success.

Learning how to truly love and accept ourselves, unconditionally, would forever alter our paths. It would rescue students from listening to that unforgiving, relentless, doubt-filled soundtrack in their heads that they are not good enough, smart, enough, attractive enough, funny enough…on and on. It’s the poisonous soundtrack that stays with so many of us for a lifetime. It gnaws away at the root of our emotions, hearts, and desires.

The Loaded Question

Four years ago, my family was turned upside down with a crisis of immense and deep proportions. Ironically, much of it centers on communication. Not too humbling for me, the communicator. At a residential treatment program far away from Texas, I joined one of my children in a support group on self-esteem. Twenty other parents and their kids were participating as well.

The facilitator asked the parents, “How have you taught your children positive ways of looking at themselves?”

Dead silence.

Then I asked the loaded question: “How can we teach our kids something that we ourselves never learned?”

One teenage girl ran from the room in tears. Some parents wept quietly.

Funky Ears and Freckles

Imagine how different our lives would be if we broke free of negative communication and self-talk. What would your life be like if you had taken a class in elementary school on how to unequivocally love yourself? Maybe our kids could skip a few science or reading sessions and find out how to unconditionally accept themselves, exactly the way they are. The blemishes, funky ears, freckles, bony knees and all. When we’re uncertain of our talents and gifts — uncomfortable in our own skin — mediocrity consumes our lives.

When grown-ups learn to silence our own inner critics and judgments that steal our joy, then we can teach the next generation the secret sauce.

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: Attitude, Communication, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Relationships, Self-Confidence

5 business takeaways from Whitney Houston

by Susan Young at 5:42 pm 1 Comment

In the end, demons often trump talent. I’m witnessing this painful realization in my own family. Now the world sees it (again). This time with the sad news of Whitney Houston’s death.

Houston sang so many lyrics and verses for so many years. Most of them had to do with love and relationships. But when I go back and think about her words and songs, I discovered that there are lessons for folks in business.

Consider these:

1. “For every win, someone must fail, but there comes a point when we exhale.” (from “Exhale”)

Business takeaway: Ever lose out on an RFP or bid that you busted your butt for? One company was a victor; yours wasn’t. Exhale, and carry on.

2. ”I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows, if I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe.” (“The Greatest Love of All”)

Business takeaway: In the era of social media, be transparent and trust your own intuition. We live in difficult times that are filled with temptation. Hold true to your own values. Be yourself. When you try to be someone you’re not, you will undoubtedly make mistakes. When you’re genuine, you can’t make a mistake. Don’t walk in anyone’s shadow.

3. “Yes I’m gonna take my turn, it’s time for me to finally stand alone.” (“On My Own”)

Business takeaway: You are so much better than you think you are. Be bold and know that you can forge ahead with perseverance, discipline, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed. You CAN stand alone.

4. “And when you turn on the evening news, mass confusion is the only thing you’ll see. Well there’s no question that we need a new direction,
‘Cause we all could use some peace and harmony. What you need’s a little change of heart, when you’re feeling down and out, love will save the day.” (“Love Will Save the Day”)

Business takeaway: Plan each day with quiet time to reflect and simply be. Get away from the static and noise that consumes all of us. Business and life are filled with distractions and heartbreak. There seems to be so many angry and broken people. Go for the peace and harmony. Try and incorporate it into your company culture. Share it with co-workers and friends. Because in the end, it’s not about the success of your website, investment portfolio, or number of Twitter followers. None of these tangible things will save us.

5. ”I want one moment in time, when I’m more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me.” (“One Moment in Time”)

Business takeaway: Give yourself credit for your accomplishments, both big and small. Dream big. This is your one moment in time. Don’t sleepwalk through it.

As a child, Whitney Houston sang in the choir at the New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, NJ. In an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2002, Houston said, “The biggest devil is me. I’m either my best friend or my worst enemy.” Go for the former.

(Image via)

Filed Under: Business, Interpersonal Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: Business, Leadership, Self-Confidence, Success

5 Easy Steps to Writing Your Own Top 10 List

by Susan Young at 2:09 am 3 Comments

Unless you’ve been trapped under a rock in some remote corner of the planet, you may have noticed the news is packed with year-end summaries featuring 2010′s “Top 10” lists. There’s a list for everything these days. Best movies, worst social media dating sites, celebrity divorces, vegan diets, ugliest cars, and more. You get the picture.

I’m always amazed that people would spend their time —their hottest commodity— to recall these far-fetched things. How relevant are they in your life? And who the hell cares about Bristol Palin’s dancing?

As the media focuses on these nonsensical topics, I encourage you to to make better use of your time and compile your own ”Top 10″ list for 2010.

Here are five easy steps to get you started:

1. Grab a piece of paper and pen (or the keyboard, I personally like to write mine down), and list your key accomplishments and successes over the past twelve months.

2. Think hard and don’t rush. If you’re like me, you’ve quickly ‘moved on’ and downplayed your triumphs. Start digging into the cobwebs of your mind.

3. Make one list for your professional life and a separate one for your personal achievements.

4. Take the spotlight and enjoy being center-stage. Many people who work in PR, myself included, tend to take the back seat when it comes to projects at work. We’re often “ghost-writers”” who brilliantly craft words, messages, content, and angles for our bosses and clients so they will look good in the public eye. We lurk behind the scenes. Not this time.

5. Celebrate your hard work. Pat yourself on the back and acknowledge your efforts and achievements. Who needs Bristol Palin or Donald Trump? This could be the most important exercise you’ll do this year.

Your lists will help energize you as you look ahead to a new year and a new decade. Give yourself credit for the projects you’ve worked on, the people you’ve helped, and the good that you’ve done. Then make your “Top 10 Goal List for 2011.” Build on the momentum of this year’s success. Consider this activity a look back, and a look forward.

And for the record, I’ll be working on my list, too.

Filed Under: Business, Motivation, Public Relations, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: Attitude, Business, Motivation, PR, Success

The Top 10 Reasons You Need Chutzpah in PR

by Susan Young at 3:00 am 8 Comments

This was a first. I went onto dictionary.com and looked up the Yiddush word “Chutzpah.” Moses and my grandma are probably both turning over. Here’s what I found:

khoot-spuh, hoot- noun Slang . 1. unmitigated effrontery or impudence; gall.

2. audacity; nerve. Also, hutzpah.

I’ll agree with all of the above. When I was growing up, I heard countless relatives using the word “Chutzpah” with their deep, throaty emphasis on the CH. Used in a sentence, “You’ve got some Chutzpah, leaving the table without helping with the dishes.”

And yes, in Public Relations, Chutzpah is a job requirement. Any PR pro (maven) worth their salt understands this.

Here are Top 10 Reasons You Need Chutzpah in PR:

10. It beats wearing a yarmulke (skullcap) when chasing reporters in a fierce windstorm with the hope of getting a 3 second sound bite for your client.

9. If you don’t have it, your competition will.

8. Your client expects it. How else can you get him on Oprah?

7. You have to tell your fellow alumni at the college reunion you majored in something in grad school. Chutzpah is a 300 level class. Very impressive.

6. It comes in handy to avoid family functions you prefer not to attend–”Sorry, Aunt Harriet, breaking news. PR’s a crazy business. I’ll be here for your 91st next year!”

5. You have to put your name on the press release, pitch or blog; this better be good or your credibility is tanked.

4. You somehow manage to always be “on the other side” of the security barricade, rubbing elbows with the VIP’s and men in dark suits who talk into their sleeves.

3. When your boss or new client shrieks, “How much money do you want?!!” – you don’t back pedal or cower. You smile. It’s hard to speak when you’re biting your tongue.

2. You can read the paper, watch TV, monitor the Internet, and use all the greatest gadgets on company time–must stay connected (wink, wink).

1. It’s the main ingredient in the recipe for PR success. (Matzah) Balls—a close second.

Hmmm, “Communicating with Chutzpah”, I wonder if that URL is available…

(Photo: Me and Bill Cosby backstage at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in NYC, 2001, refer to #4 above)

Filed Under: media, Public Relations, publicity, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: Attitude, blogs, Communication, credibility, interviews, Marketing, News, PR, press releases, Public Relations, publicity, Self-Confidence, Social Media, technology, Writing

Embracing Incompetence

by Susan Young at 8:29 am 6 Comments

No one likes to feel incompetent. Whether you’re a housekeeper at the local motel, an executive assistant, or the CEO, incompetence almost always makes us feel bad. It indicates a lack of skill and ineptitude.

Consider competence. That beautiful sense of being knowledgeable, proficient, and capable. Competence means we’ve learned “it”- whatever “it” is.

So why would I suggest that you embrace incompetence? Incompetence implies you don’t know something. But you can learn it. And therein lies my message. It’s time for you to learn.

The First Step

What are you incompetent at right now that you need or want to learn? The first step in learning is to admit you don’t know something. Embrace your incompetence, and begin moving in a new direction. Curiosity breeds competence.

Rapid change is all around us. We keep up or we’re quickly left behind. Learning is frustrating, tiring, and overwhelming. Many people approach the learning process kicking and screaming. Others feel empowered and excited. There’s plenty of ”ouching” along that learning curve. Scary, but essential. Awkward and uncomfortable, but necessary. It’s moving from incompetent to competent.

Consider what your life would be like if you never learned to use a computer, read, or drive. Frustrating or empowering? Look at incompetence as being on the cusp of proficient and capable.

Acknowledge it. Embrace it. Don’t run away from being incompetent. Run towards competent.

Challenge yourself to learn something new. Be patient with yourself when you are “ouching” through the process. Starting now.

Filed Under: Business, Creativity, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, Motivation, Self-Confidence, Success, Women Tagged With: Attitude, Business, Communication, Leadership, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success

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