Interpersonal Relationships — Get In Front Communications

The 4 business communication pillars of our future

Whether you’re a digital native or a digital immigrant, business communicators must have a rock-solid foundation to succeed in our technology-centric world.

The future of our organizations —and careers — rest on these four pillars:

1. Accessibility: Our point-of-entry to decision-makers is social media. Social channels have opened doors to the media, business leaders, decision-makers, thought leaders, and prospects that we could never have dreamed of. Are you using this new-found accessibility in an effective way? For example, on #Follow Friday (Twitter), it is nice to mention people in your circles, but be sure to include those whose attention you are trying to capture. You can also retweet them. On LinkedIn, join groups where your ideal clients hang around. Your goal: Slowly build rapport and bring the conversation offline.

2. Curation: Filtering relevant information to power your internal and external communications play a pivotal role in business. You may not be tickled with the thought of being a publisher, but sorting through news stories and posts that impact your niche, clients, and employees, has many benefits in our attention-starved world. Andrew Birmingham writes on CIOAustralia.com: “Companies are increasingly exploiting corporate social networks with the ultimate payoff being increased sales from the provision of faster and better information for customers.” Your goal: Become a trusted and valued resource.

3. Education: Intellectual capital — the content between your ears — has never been as important as it is today. You may not always admit it, but you have vast knowledge and experience that others need. Learn something new every day so you can educate others. Your goal: Sell your knowledge.

4. Scalability: How will you manage future growth? With mobile, e-commerce, online media monitoring, brand marketing, and the Enterprise, new business models are evolving. Are you equipped to build on what you already have without business disruptions and technology disasters? Your goal: Be sure your house of cards doesn’t collapse.

Warren Buffett said: “Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”

A final thought: Check out my 21-day, free video series, Speaking of Communication. It’s packed with tips, tricks, and techniques for blogging, social media, publicity, and business communication. The box is on the top right.

Filed Under: Branding, Communicators, Interpersonal Relationships, Social Media Tagged With: Business, business growth, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Leadership, Marketing, rapport, Relationships, Social Media

7 leadership lessons from Stephen Covey

by Susan Young at 10:31 pm 11 Comments

In 1989, Dr. Stephen Covey’s profound book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, had the business world raving. Since that time, a few new generations have entered the workforce.

Do relative newcomers to business know the name Stephen Covey? Are they introduced to his international best-seller in college? Yes, Malcolm Gladwell, Daniel Pink, and brothers Chip and Dan Heath have come along with profound business and leadership messages, too. But Covey’s teachings should not be put on the back burner.

Stephen Covey passed away on Monday; he was 79-years-old and left quite a legacy.

I dusted off my own tattered copy of The 7 Habits and realized I was overdue for a refresher course.

For the folks who were reading Dr. Seuss in 1989, here are 7 takeaways:

Habit No. 1: Be proactive. “Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we ‘see’ ourselves — our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but also how we see other people. It becomes our map of the basic nature of mankind.”

Habit No. 2 Begin with the end in mind. “This habit is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.” In other words, visualize what you want as if it already happened and the universe will begin to work wonders.

Habit No. 3: Put first things first. This habit is about personal and time management. Covey writes: “Management, remember, is clearly different from leadership. Leadership is primarily a high-powered, right brain activity. It’s more of an art; it’s based on a philosophy. You have to ask the ultimate questions of life when you’re dealing with personal leadership issues. But once you have dealt with those issues, once you have resolved them, you then have to manage yourself effectively to create a life congruent with your answers.”

Habit No. 4: Think win/win. According to Covey, “This is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/win means agreements are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying… Most people think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed.”

Habit No. 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. ”We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail to take time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first…This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.”

Habit No. 6: Synergize. On synergistic communication, Covey writes: ”You begin with the belief that parties involved will gain more insight, and that the excitement of that mutual learning and insight will create a momentum toward more and more insights, learning, and growth.” Another gem: “Synergy is almost as if a group collectively agrees to subordinate old scripts and to write a new one.”

Habit No. 7: Sharpen the saw. “It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature — physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional.” Covey writes about continuous self-improvement. Commit, learn, and do.

Thank you Dr. Covey for influencing so many people around the world.

Filed Under: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, Success Tagged With: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, rapport, Relationships, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Do you know the 1 class needed for success?

by Susan Young at 7:02 pm 2 Comments

Schools here in San Antonio, Texas are out for the summer, and once again, I can’t locate any school in any town or city that teaches the one lesson that all children need for success. The Class of 2012 at my niece’s high school graduation this week danced around the topic a bit, but no one actually said it. Yes, the students have been congratulated for memorizing and regurgitating information from textbooks. They have managed to pass numerous standardized tests. Many will soon head to college.

The one class that is missing from every single school curriculum in the nation is a class on self-love. Hard-core business leaders and educators at Stanford, Wharton, and MIT are probably cringing. But many have learned — independently — that this is indeed the secret to success.

Learning how to truly love and accept ourselves, unconditionally, would forever alter our paths. It would rescue students from listening to that unforgiving, relentless, doubt-filled soundtrack in their heads that they are not good enough, smart, enough, attractive enough, funny enough…on and on. It’s the poisonous soundtrack that stays with so many of us for a lifetime. It gnaws away at the root of our emotions, hearts, and desires.

The Loaded Question

Four years ago, my family was turned upside down with a crisis of immense and deep proportions. Ironically, much of it centers on communication. Not too humbling for me, the communicator. At a residential treatment program far away from Texas, I joined one of my children in a support group on self-esteem. Twenty other parents and their kids were participating as well.

The facilitator asked the parents, “How have you taught your children positive ways of looking at themselves?”

Dead silence.

Then I asked the loaded question: “How can we teach our kids something that we ourselves never learned?”

One teenage girl ran from the room in tears. Some parents wept quietly.

Funky Ears and Freckles

Imagine how different our lives would be if we broke free of negative communication and self-talk. What would your life be like if you had taken a class in elementary school on how to unequivocally love yourself? Maybe our kids could skip a few science or reading sessions and find out how to unconditionally accept themselves, exactly the way they are. The blemishes, funky ears, freckles, bony knees and all. When we’re uncertain of our talents and gifts — uncomfortable in our own skin — mediocrity consumes our lives.

When grown-ups learn to silence our own inner critics and judgments that steal our joy, then we can teach the next generation the secret sauce.

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: Attitude, Communication, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Relationships, Self-Confidence

5 business takeaways from Whitney Houston

by Susan Young at 5:42 pm 1 Comment

In the end, demons often trump talent. I’m witnessing this painful realization in my own family. Now the world sees it (again). This time with the sad news of Whitney Houston’s death.

Houston sang so many lyrics and verses for so many years. Most of them had to do with love and relationships. But when I go back and think about her words and songs, I discovered that there are lessons for folks in business.

Consider these:

1. “For every win, someone must fail, but there comes a point when we exhale.” (from “Exhale”)

Business takeaway: Ever lose out on an RFP or bid that you busted your butt for? One company was a victor; yours wasn’t. Exhale, and carry on.

2. ”I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows, if I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe.” (“The Greatest Love of All”)

Business takeaway: In the era of social media, be transparent and trust your own intuition. We live in difficult times that are filled with temptation. Hold true to your own values. Be yourself. When you try to be someone you’re not, you will undoubtedly make mistakes. When you’re genuine, you can’t make a mistake. Don’t walk in anyone’s shadow.

3. “Yes I’m gonna take my turn, it’s time for me to finally stand alone.” (“On My Own”)

Business takeaway: You are so much better than you think you are. Be bold and know that you can forge ahead with perseverance, discipline, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed. You CAN stand alone.

4. “And when you turn on the evening news, mass confusion is the only thing you’ll see. Well there’s no question that we need a new direction,
‘Cause we all could use some peace and harmony. What you need’s a little change of heart, when you’re feeling down and out, love will save the day.” (“Love Will Save the Day”)

Business takeaway: Plan each day with quiet time to reflect and simply be. Get away from the static and noise that consumes all of us. Business and life are filled with distractions and heartbreak. There seems to be so many angry and broken people. Go for the peace and harmony. Try and incorporate it into your company culture. Share it with co-workers and friends. Because in the end, it’s not about the success of your website, investment portfolio, or number of Twitter followers. None of these tangible things will save us.

5. ”I want one moment in time, when I’m more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me.” (“One Moment in Time”)

Business takeaway: Give yourself credit for your accomplishments, both big and small. Dream big. This is your one moment in time. Don’t sleepwalk through it.

As a child, Whitney Houston sang in the choir at the New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, NJ. In an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2002, Houston said, “The biggest devil is me. I’m either my best friend or my worst enemy.” Go for the former.

(Image via)

Filed Under: Business, Interpersonal Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success Tagged With: Business, Leadership, Self-Confidence, Success

10 Communication Tips to Help You Avoid Holiday Disagreements

by Susan Young at 10:18 am 2 Comments

Communicating during the holidays can be tricky. Conversations and visits can easily move from festive to fighting. In addition to shopping, entertaining, and visiting, most of us will have to interact with relatives, friends, and co-workers. The result can be stress and angst. Or a full-blown battle.

To avoid a communication debacle this holiday season, consider the following:

1. Plan to have a relaxing visit. Forget previous holidays, discussions, disagreements, and conversations. Go in with a clean slate and open mind.

2. Have a drink. Don’t overdo it because things could turn ugly. One drink can help take the edge off.

3. Focus on positive topics. Too many of us are dealing unemployment, money problems, and everyday challenges. You don’t know everything that goes on in other homes, marriages, or relationships. Don’t allow your conversation to become a ”pity party.”

4. Remember that not every comment or statement requires an answer. Silence and a smile can be very powerful. In other words, bite your tongue.

5. Go outside. It may be too cold or rainy to take a walk around the corner, but you can step onto the front porch for a few minutes. Invite someone special, or the entire group, to join you. The dynamics will shift and the crisp air can be rejuvenating.

6. Be prepared with a small supply of friendly and neutral small-talk starters or stories. Just in case things get awkward.

7. Pass on being a “topper.” If Uncle Joe’s raving about his week in Florida, allow him have his moment. Don’t ”one up” him by mentioning you just returned from a free cruise to the islands because you were the No. 1 sales rep. (Refer to No. 4)

8. Mingle with the kids. This can bring levity to the day.

9. Offer to help. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with family and friends have taken place while clearing dishes or taking out the trash.

10. Show gratitude. Regardless of how happy or unhappy you were during your visit, tell your host that you appreciate their efforts and invitation.

Cheers!

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, rapport Tagged With: Attitude, Interpersonal Communication, Relationships

13 communication tips to help you survive Thanksgiving

by Susan Young at 4:49 pm 4 Comments

I usually blog about business communication tips but since most of us won’t be working on Thanksgiving, we’ll have to communicate with relatives and/or friends. It may be easier to go to work!

Here are 13 quick communication tips to help make your day festive and enjoyable. Bookmark this post, as it will come in handy for the entire holiday season!

1. Forget previous holidays, discussions, disagreements, and conversations. Go in with a clean slate and an open mind that you will have a fabulous and relaxing day.

2. Have a drink. I didn’t say get drunk, because things could turn ugly. One drink can help you relax and take the edge off.

3. Remember that not every comment or statement requires an answer. Silence and a smile can be very powerful. In other words, bite your tongue.

4. Use the phrase, ”Isn’t that interesting?” If Uncle Grouch starts in at the table with off-color remarks, recite these three magical words. ”Isn’t that interesting?” neutralizes virtually every situation. This phrase leads to a verbal dead-end. Then smile politely.

5. Mingle with the kids. This can bring levity to the day.

6. Take a walk. Invite someone special, or the entire group, to take a walk around the corner. The dynamics will shift, the conversations will lighten up, and the fresh air will be rejuvenating.

7. Keep a few friendly and neutral small-talk starters or stories in mind. Be ready to drop one in if things get awkward or tense.

8. Pass on being a “topper.” If Uncle Fred is bragging about his week in Florida, let him have his moment. Don’t chime in that you just returned from a free month in Bermuda because you were the No. 1 sales rep.

9. Be nice. Gossip often rules at family gatherings. Steer clear of pettiness. Don’t say anything behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face.

10. Avoid touchy subjects. There’s a lot of angst out there with unemployment, money, and everyday life. You don’t know everything that goes on in other homes, marriages, or relationships. Focus on positive topics and stay away from turning your feast into a “pity party.”

11. Cite three good qualities of someone who is with you that you dislike. Think of these qualities before you join the crowd so you can get rid of “old baggage.” Plan to relax and have a good day!

12. Offer to help. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with family and friends have taken place while we’re clearing dishes, taking out the garbage, or loading the dishwasher.

13. Communicate your gratitude. Regardless of how happy or unhappy you were during your visit, tell your host that you appreciate their efforts and invitation.

If you’re hoping for a stress-free Thanksgiving, just think about the hardships the Pilgrims had to endure.

You’re good.

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships Tagged With: Attitude, Communication, Interpersonal Communication

The Top 10 Communication Tips of the Year

by Susan Young at 5:01 am 21 Comments

Communication is at the core of all of our relationships, both business and personal.

Let’s take a look at 10 defining moments in communication. You’ll recognize some because they made news. But I believe you’ll relate to all of these tips and lessons.

1. Your attention is a hot commodity. Back in the dark ages of 1971, Nobel Prize winning economist Herbert Simon wrote: “What information consumes is rather obvious. It consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.” Did Simon have a crystal ball? How did he know the attention tsunami was coming? In ’71, there was no Google, information superhighway, or text messages. Carefully guard your time, attention, and mind.

2. The word “I” doesn’t have to be self-serving and arrogant. Art Petty, who runs a management and leadership consulting firm, says we can use the word “I” for empowerment, active listening, and accountability. “I am responsible for this outcome.” “Here’s what I understand about your opinion on this matter. Am I correct?” ”I could use your help.”

3. Understand the emotions of communication in marketing. Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why writes about ‘The Golden Circle’ and how most companies and people try to sell their ideas based on what their product or service is. Then they talk about how it will work. But the most successful are those who are able to connect with the public on an intimate level. These folks begin at the center of the circle. That’s where the ’WHY’ resides. The ‘Why’ creeps into the core of a lifestyle, emotion, and belief that people latch on to. The ’What’ and ‘How’ come later.

4. Whoever has the message has the power. This is what social media has become in the past year. The news and the way it is consumed has changed significantly because of technology and Twitter. The immediacy of real life can be broadcast around the world by someone with a flip cam or cell phone. An angry customer at the Hertz counter in Florida suddenly puts on his ‘news hat’ and reports on shoddy customer service. You don’t need the media to capture the public’s attention.

5. Communication must be H.O.T. That’s honest, open, and two-way. That’s according to business writer and blogger Dan Oswald. He says the H.O.T. approach is an effective and powerful force. Amen, Dan.

6. Bullies suck. Criticizing, judging, and making people feel bad sends negative energy into the world. We have too much of that. Common sense and common courtesy in our communication—in person and online— is always appreciated. Snarky comments and dirty looks are included here. Remember, mean people have little mean people.

7. Rapport is critical in conflict and camaraderie. In our ‘crazy busy world’, it’s essential to know how to connect and engage with all types of people and personalities. This is especially true if you want to resolve a conflict and build consensus. Rapport is the bond that brings us together.

8. Authenticity is priceless. Just ask executives at BP, Toyota, and Goldman Sachs. And those who hold elected offices, too.

9. Influence comes in many different forms. It may be a quick Tweet, a blog post, a speech, or a handwritten note. Our words wield power. With social media and other technology, be aware that your influence (impact) can affect people in other countries. People you’ve never met and never will. Choose your words carefully.

10. Embrace a creative community. Being shy won’t serve you well in our interactive, engaged world. This year I’ve learned to appreciate that life demands our participation. Force yourself to learn, watch successful people, and develop your own creativity and style. Meet one person at a time to build confidence. You must begin now or you will be left behind.

There’s always time to learn.

P.S. Here’s a free communication resource for you. Take advantage of my 21-day video series, “Speaking of Communication.” It focuses on interpersonal communication, social media, blogging, public relations, and sales. The sign-up box is on the top right of this screen.

Filed Under: Communication, Communicators, Interpersonal Relationships, Marketing, Social Media Tagged With: Art Petty, Blogging, Business, Communication, content, Dan Oswald, influence, Interpersonal Communication, Marketing, message, rapport, Relationships, Simon Sinek, Social Media, Success

7 Signs You’re Not Paying Attention

by Susan Young at 1:45 pm 7 Comments

Attention is a hot commodity. No one seems to have any. That is, except the gamers and medicated folks. They can stay on task for hours. I know because I live with a couple.

For the most part, the rest of us are distracted, disengaged, and bogged down with irrelevant things that people insist we have. In fact, the Federal Banking Minister from the Free Republic of the Province of Tanzania just sent me a lovely note yesterday!

Anyway, this week, I decided that instead of simply deleting newsletters and group invitations that keep arriving in my in-box, I would actually unsubscribe. As I was doing this, I realized I never actually signed up in the first place! These people found me, and now they claim they are, “Sorry to see me go.” They ask in the unsubscribe message, “Why are you leaving?” Ugggh.

I’ll tell you why: I’m putting my attention elsewhere.

Do you think you’re pretty good at paying attention? Do you recognize any of these 7 phrases? Have you used any or all of these in the past week?

1. “I must have been asleep at the wheel.”

2. “Where is my head?”

3. “I didn’t notice.”

4. “Where was I when all this was happening?”

5. “Are you sure you told me??”

6. “I’m on autopilot.”

7. “I’m in such a fog.” Translation: My head is up my rear end.

What can you do right now to commit to paying closer attention? What distractions and mental clutter do you have to clear out so you’re fully present —in business and life? Give people in your life a wonderful gift that’s absolutely free. It’s the gift of your attention.

(Photo Credit: Krossbow)

Filed Under: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, listening, rapport, Success Tagged With: Communication, Interpersonal Communication, listening, message, Relationships, technology

The Reason Helicopter Parents Succeed Online: 5 Ways to Hover

by Susan Young at 1:28 pm 2 Comments

I’m coming clean here. I am a Helicopter Mom.

My kids are now 17 and 15. They are from a new world and generation of fear and freedom that my husband and I never experienced growing up.

As a Helicopter Mom, I have ”hovered” while my Stephanie and Danny attended birthday parties, school festivities, and sporting events. As they’ve gotten older, I’ve conveniently hovered over the computer to sneak a glance at their Facebook conversations. This has nothing to do with having a uterus. My husband has done the same. Just not as often, and in his own special way.

I’m happy to report this parental hovering has served me well in Social Media. Yes there is a connection. We observe. We listen and read. We watch patiently.

Here are five benefits that being a Helicopter Parent offers us in Social Media networking, such as LinkedIn questions, forums, and especially online chats.

1. Case the joint. No, the chat is not akin to Dragnet or Adam-12. I don’t recommend sneaking around corners and hiding in shrubbery (Yes, I did that when the kids were in pre-school; just checking that they weren’t playing alone in the sandbox). Call it lurking or call it listening. The key is to simply hang around before the chat gets underway. Most people don’t arrive “fashionably late”; they start assembling well before the content starts buzzing. Note to self: Identify a few movers and shakers.

2. Pay attention. Hover and watch as the conversations unfold. This gives you insight into personalities, style, and expertise. Note to self: Jot down names and handles of people you can follow-up with after the chat. Who would you like to eventually connect with offline?

3. Look for clues. If you pay close attention before jumping into conversations, you’ll notice who the naysayers and rebels are. Who are the stronger personalities that may clash with others? Do you want to engage with them during the chat or could it be an effort in futility? Some people know everything. That’s nice. Note to self: Avoid toxicity whenever possible.

4. Recognize the BFF’s. When you hover, you’ll notice those who have the friendly and long-time relationships. Look for history. Look for clues, like )), !!!!, OMG, and . Do you want to try and jump into these conversations and inside jokes with the Best Friends Forever? It could be awkward. Note to self: There are cliques of people everywhere. Enter at your own risk.

5. Watch their language. If your goal is to learn more about an ancillary or vertical niche that you’re not well-versed in, notice the lingo, acronyms, and industry jargon that’s being thrown around. Note to self: Do your homework. Read trade publications and subscribe to blogs and e-zines.

You can learn plenty from being a fly on the wall and hovering for 10 or 15 minutes. These tips lead to building rapport, interpersonal relationships, and business.

PS: I’m getting rave reviews from people who have subscribed to my 21-day free video series, “Speaking of Communication.” Topics include PR, creating content, Social Media, public speaking and sales. Sign up here!

(Photo Credit: Michael Ransburg)

Filed Under: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, listening, Online Marketing, rapport, Social Media, Social Networking, Success Tagged With: Attitude, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, listening, networking, rapport, Social Media, Twitter

The Real Secret to Business Growth and Making More Money

by Susan Young at 1:19 pm Leave a Comment

Yesterday in Part One of my interview with Nametag Scott, he shared insights on creating a “reservoir full of ideas that never run dry.” Today in Part Two, Scott says when trying to drum up new ideas, products and services, the “build it and they’ll come” model doesn’t work.

“It’s easy to get caught up in this idea of ‘if you build it they will come’.” That’s a lie. I would substitute, ‘if you write it they will come.” Everything I’ve done in my business is because I have written something. Every dollar I have made is because I wrote something and someone read it, and they found me. So my philosophy is if you write it they will come. Now obviously you have to write it well and it has to be written in a way that evokes a response. There are certain things that increase probability. The secret is you can’t make people come to you, can’t make customers buy, and you can’t make people talk about you. If you want to spread the word, build remarkability into your product from the beginning.”

Scott and I also talked about how to attract new business. He says this is not about selling.

“Ultimately selling isn’t selling; it’s solving. It’s positioning yourself as the answer and solving pervasive, expensive, urgent, and relevant problems for your customer. The secret is to position yourself as the problem-solver. You look the customer in the eye and ask, ’Is it of value to solve this problem for you?’ and they say ‘well yes of course I’d love to solve my problem’ …and you respond ‘well great, I’m the answer…sign here.’’

Thank you Scott for reminding us that being a problem-solver and not a salesman will pay longterm dividends.

(Photo Credit: churl)

Filed Under: Business, Communication, content, Interpersonal Relationships, rapport, sales, Writing Tagged With: Attitude, business growth, customers, Interpersonal Communication, message, Motivation, rapport, Relationships, sales, Writing

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