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5 communication quotes from ‘the mother of media psychology,’ Dr. Joyce Brothers

by Susan Young at 12:24 pm Leave a Comment

She has been dubbed “the mother of media psychology.”

Dr. Joyce Brothers, a licensed psychologist who passed away on Monday, has been described by CNN as having “a reassuring and calming demeanor” that boosted her self-titled local talk show to syndication in the 1960s.

Dr. Brothers’ affable personality and willingness to talk about taboo subjects such as marriage, relationships, and families made her a household name for decades. Remember, this was a time when married couples on TV were sleeping in separate beds. The word ‘pregnant’ wasn’t uttered on television, either.

According to NBC News, “Her television show would soon make her a pop culture fixture. She made nearly 100 appearances on Johnny Carson’s The Tonight Show. Her frequent public appearances propelled her to become one of the most admired women in America, appearing on Gallup’s list of most admired American women.”

Here are five insights on communication and media from Dr. Joyce Brothers:

“There is such a thing as bad publicity.”
“Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”
“If Shakespeare had to go on an author tour to promote Romeo and Juliet, he never would have written Macbeth.”
“Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words.”
“I invented media psychology. I was the first. The founding mother.” (1989)

Years ago, not everyone jumped on the media psychologist bandwagon.

“Dispensing advice on public airwaves didn’t please all of her colleagues,” reports CNN. “Some members of the American Psychological Association asked early in her media career that her membership be revoked because they didn’t think dispensing advice outside a one-on-one setting was appropriate.” However, the APA’s website says that media psychology became part of the organization’s structure in 1986.

Admittedly, I’m a bit troubled thinking that this wonderful talent paved the way for today’s sensationalist personalities like Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew Pinsky.

But as we recall Dr. Brothers’ intelligence and accomplishments, we also note that she was fun. In the 1950s, Dr. Brothers was a TV game show contestant, winning more than $134,000 in prize money. She made several cameo appearances in movies, including a parody in The Naked Gun. On the small screen, she was featured on Happy Days, The Simpsons, and Entourage.

Rest in peace, Dr. Joyce Brothers. You were a gifted media pioneer with talents that stretched across print, radio, television, and movies.

(Image via)

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Interviews, media, News, Television, Women Tagged With: Attitude, audience, brand, Communication, Communicator, credibility, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Entourage, Interpersonal Communication, interviews, Johnny Carson, listening, media, message, News, Psychology, rapport, Self-Confidence, Success, Talk shows, Television, The Tonight Show, Writing

The 10 best things to do to supercharge your career

by Susan Young at 7:33 pm 2 Comments

These are rhetorical questions: Are you looking for some excitement? Are you caught up in a bland routine at work?

If things are a bit mundane, consider these 10 points:

Go away. I’m not talking about a vacation, simply take a day off and bring your journal to a place that’s at least six miles away from your home or office. A change of scenery does wonders. Plan a get-away once a quarter, especially when you’re stressed.
Keep your promises. The most important promises are the ones we make to ourselves. If you have vowed to take a class, get a certification, or revise your résumé, get going! Feeling stuck is a real drag.
Read often. Learn from the great ones like Gandhi, Harry Truman, Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, and Steve Jobs. Read their biographies and autobiographies. If you’re pressed for time—and who isn’t? —read magazine articles about successful people you’d like to emulate. Consider these people your mentors.
Train yourself to think fast. When the power at the Super Bowl was zapped, the biggest buzz was not about the game and electricity as it was about dunking Oreo cookies in the dark. Nabisco makes Oreos, and it was Nabisco, Walgreens, and Tide that immediately jumped onto Twitter with snappy marketing nuggets. Not only did employees think fast, they took immediate action and created quite a buzz. This leads me to No. 5…
Avoid procrastination. When something needs to be done, get right to it. Putting it off will only cause stress and anxiety. Actor Denzel Washington says that he and his wife have raised their four children with this rule: “Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.”
Be accountable for yourself. Do not blame other people. Take full responsibility for your actions and words.
Always do your best. This is one of the points that author Don Miguel Ruiz shared in his book, The Four Agreements. Every day we are faced with a plethora of choices. Many decisions we make aren’t in our own best interest. I’ll call my client tomorrow. I’ll just throw together this report. The key is that your best will vary. If you have a cold on Tuesday, your best will not be the same on Friday when you’re feeling better. Don’t compare; just do your best in each and every moment.
Focus on tech. Commit to learning two or three new tech tools each month. Consider what’s hot in your field and what your competitors are utilizing. You may decide after toying around with a new program or platform that it’s not for you. And that is OK.
Quit criticizing, judging, and complaining. These three habits destroy people and relationships. They drain our energy and interfere with our potential and achievements. Be aware of how you behave.
Expect good things to happen. When we anticipate good things, they usually happen. If you expect happiness, love and success, they will begin showing up in your life. If you focus on the negative, these will show up as well. It’s like ordering food in a restaurant. You generally get what you ask for. If you don’t like what you’re getting in life, send it back. Be clear about what you want.

Which of these can you begin right away? Share your successes below!

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, Motivation, Success Tagged With: Attitude, Business, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Leadership, listening, Nabisco, Oreos, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Steve Jobs

8 classic quotes from New York Mayor Ed Koch

by Susan Young at 3:54 pm Leave a Comment

The beloved former Mayor of New York City, Ed Koch passed away early today.

He may be gone, but he leaves behind a trove of sound bites and quotes for us to enjoy.

Koch was a three-term mayor in New York (1978-1989), a time defined by near financial ruin, government corruption, and AIDS. He was an author and activist. He even appeared on The People’s Court.

A man who often asked people, ”How’m I doin’?,” Koch has been described as acid-tongued, feisty, and pretentious. He was an iconic New Yorker.

I remember Ed Koch’s press conferences and interviews being laced with ‘ah’s’ and ‘ums’. These are the cardinal sins of Toastmasters and professional speakers.

But for Ed Koch, his vocal habits weren’t sinful. They defined him as being real. Mayor Koch spoke his mind. There was nothing tricky about him. Koch’s press conferences showed him without a jacket, sporting a wrinkled shirt, and rolled-up sleeves. Watch out.

Maybe you followed him on Twitter @Mayoredkoch

Here are some classics to shed light on how Mayor Koch communicated and lived:

1. “I know many writers who first dictate passages, then polish what they have dictated. I speak, then I polish. Occasionally I do windows.”

2. “You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it’s good for one’s self-respect to be a punching bag.”

3. “Tone can be as important as text.”

4. His advice to young people: “Enjoy what you’re doing or don’t do it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult or won’t challenge you, but if you are involved in something that’s causing you to say, ‘Why am I doing this?’ then you’re in the wrong business.”

5. The Mayor, who had never married, was asked by reporters about his sexuality. His response: ”My answer to questions on this subject is simply, ‘F— off.’ There have to be some private matters left.”

6. Koch’s spokesman George Arzt remembered Hizzoner’s sense of humor. “I got into the car and said I couldn’t believe how a kid who grew up in Williamsburg was now sitting next to the mayor. Then the mayor said: “Oh shut, up. Everybody comes from somewhere.”

7. In one of his last interviews, Koch told Vanity Fair Magazine: “At age 88, I wake up every morning and say to myself, ‘Well, I’m still in New York. Thank you, God.’”

8. In 1983, Mayor Koch bought a burial plot at the Trinity Church Cemetery. It was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had space. Koch, who was Jewish, told the Associated Press: ”I don’t want to leave Manhattan, even when I’m gone. This is my home. The thought of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me.” Soon after he purchased the burial plot, Mayor Koch had an engraved marker placed at the site. It has the last words of slain journalist Daniel Pearl: ”"My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.”

Rest in peace, Mayor Koch.

(Image via)

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, media, Self-Confidence Tagged With: Communication, communications, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Interpersonal Communication, interviews, Leadership, listening, Mayor Ed Koch, media, message, New York, News, politics, PR, Press conference, rapport, reporters, Self-Confidence, Success, Writing

What does social media mean to you?

by Susan Young at 8:00 pm 3 Comments

Communication, conversation, and connection.

These are just a few of the words used by 10 Twitter stars who I asked to define social media. Don’t mind the abbreviations; the goal was to offer a definition in 140 characters or less.

Feel free to comment below and share your own 140 character snippet.

1. SM allows me to participate in discussions about entrepreneurship that I hope will one day change the world. I also get to give back. @BrianMoran

2. Social=meaning friendly gathering. Media=form of communication. Reminding us to gather friendly when we communicate with others. @JessicaNorthey

3. SM has totally shifted the way that small & large businesses connect with audience. It is about the hand shake, conversation, relationship online. @MamaBritt

4. Social Media = Global Diversity – The ability to have a local, national or global & inclusive conversation. Do you have what it takes? @FleeJack

5. Social media is a great way to share insight & connect with people globally. It’s the perfect give & get communications medium. @Rieva

6. Welcome to the ‘Age of Influence,’ where anyone can build an audience, build relationships, effect change… and make a difference. @TedRubin

7. Social media is a great way to connect and inspire your target audience. It is also a great place to build real relationships with those you want. @RayHigdon

8. It’s an opportunity to ‘meet’ people you would have never met otherwise, to share what you know and learn some too! @LeadToday

9. SM is an unprecedented opportunity 2 elevate/expand ur influence. Each tweet/share is a chance 2B more informed, amazed & appreciative. @AngelaMaiers

10. SM gives me the ability to make wonderful connections with people that would be all but impossible in an analog world. @MackCollier

Be sure to follow these folks on Twitter and other social channels. They are smart, savvy, and succinct!

Filed Under: Business, Interpersonal Relationships, networking, Online Marketing, Social Media, Social Networking Tagged With: Attitude, audience, business growth, Communication, communications, Conversation, customers, Interpersonal Communication, listening, message, rapport, Success, technology, Twitter

4 reasons text messages are killing our communication

by Susan Young at 3:32 pm 5 Comments

Twenty years ago today, the first text message was sent. My, how the 160-character Short Message Service (SMS) has rocked our communication.

Yes, there is a convenience to being able to access your peeps in a flash. I can’t count the number of times I’ve sent or received texts in the grocery store about items missing from the shopping list. Very important.

But communicators and parents alike know that the art and science of texting is impacting our social and education systems in ways that could never have been imagined.

Think about these four reasons text messages are killing our communication:

1. Reduce the need for in-depth conversations. Have you texted people as a form of avoidance? A few abbreviated words keep people from meaningful dialogues and face-to-face communication. This also diminishes the importance of body language in our communication. (

2. Dumb down spelling and grammar. ‘Txtspk’ leads to deficiencies in basic language skills. Shortcuts with spelling, punctuation, and emoticons aren’t helping children and teenagers learn the necessary writing and communication skills they need for college and the workforce. Are these convenient shortcuts, acronyms, and abbreviations giving way to generations of lazy and sloppy communicators? (Gr8)

3. Distract us from being fully present. Earlier this year, the industry association representing wireless communications (CTIA) reported that more than 184 billion text messages were sent a month in the U.S. These messages interrupt our brain functions and attention. Texting pulls our focus away from the people and tasks we are experiencing at the moment, depriving us of being completely present in our lives. (IRL=In Real Life)

4. Invite ambiguity. Joel Willans writes on Nokia.com: “The format of 160 characters was determined in 1993 by a communications researcher, Friedham Hillebrand. While trying to standardize the technology that would allow cell phones to transmit and display messages, he discovered that the average sentence or question needed just 160 characters.” This leaves too many opportunities to mistakenly read between the lines. (SWYP=So What’s Your Problem)

Thx 4 readng. Comment b-low.

Filed Under: Communication, Communicators, Interpersonal Relationships, Writing Tagged With: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, listening, message, networking, rapport, Relationships, Self-Confidence, technology, Writing

4 success attributes for today’s workplace

by Susan Young at 9:26 pm 3 Comments

As quickly as our world is changing, many things remain the same. Yes, TV has morphed into tablets and small screens. Telephones are now for texting. Networking is all about LinkedIn.

But many of our everyday business activities are timeless. Technology may come into play, but it can’t replace the human factor of collaboration, confidence, caring, and checking.

Collaboration: “When it comes to collaboration, people are your best resource.” That’s according to CNBC.com’s Donny Deutsch. He says collaboration trumps competition in our new business landscape. Deutsch explains that it takes courage to move from the self-serving, “What’s in it for me?” mentality to a shared sense of purpose, or ‘we’ mentality. Another important aspect of collaboration is trust, which Deutsch maintains brings about a framework for free thinking. These days, open dialogues that invite diversity trump top-down directives.

Confidence: Today’s employees and managers alike must exude confidence in their organizations, work ethic, talents, and decisions. They must believe in themselves. Not too much pressure, right? First-class leaders understand the fine line between confidence and arrogance. Somewhere in the middle lies humility. These are timeless human attributes that technology can’t touch. And rightfully so.

Caring: Real professionals know that a sense of compassion is needed when interacting with others. If you haven’t learned about Emotional Intelligence and how to get along with others, it’s time to get started. A study from U.S. News & World Report found that 90 percent of people are fired because of poor attitudes. Only 10 percent lose their jobs due to lack of skill or ability.

Checking: This is not about direct deposits and bank routing numbers. This is about checking and verifying sources when writing blog posts and reports. It’s about checking in with co-workers who may be having a rough time. It’s about checking opportunities to learn new skills and technology. The most important checking you will likely do: Checking your attitude.

Henry Ford said, “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.”

The original version of this post was published on Monster.com

Filed Under: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, rapport, Technology Tagged With: Attitude, Business, Communication, Donny Deutsch, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Interpersonal Communication, Monster.com, Motivation, Relationships, technology

Really, Katie Couric: Now you want to talk about your eating disorder?

by Susan Young at 12:44 am 2 Comments

She’s been a mouthpiece for hard and soft news stories for decades. She’s interviewed hundreds if not thousands of doctors, mental health professionals, celebrities and models. She has two daughters and comes from a family of four sisters.

Yes, Katie Couric endured the tragic loss of her 44-year-old husband to colon cancer. To educate people about the disease and prevention, she had a colonoscopy that was streamed live on the Internet. She’s had mammograms that were broadcast to the world as well.

Talk is cheap

I sit here with mixed feelings as to why Couric decided now would be a good time to reveal that she had suffered from bulimia. Is it because her new talk show needed some excitement and viewers? If so, Couric’s intention is beyond pathetic.

When someone like Couric—with the power of the microphone and camera—has an opportunity to be genuine and help even one of the million Americans affected by bulimia and other eating disorders—why would she close her mouth?

Most people with eating disorders are young, pre-teen girls. People die from eating disorders all the time, yet few people acknowledge how serious this diagnosis can be.

When I think of the number of people struggling with this disease (including in my own family), I wonder in disgust who could have been helped or inspired had Couric only come clean.

The real star

Couric reveals her bulimia “secret” on-the-air to singer Demi Lovato, a 20-something-year-old who has the guts and courage to bring her own very personal story public.

Lovato has been open about her demons and battle with an eating disorder, depression, and drugs. She’s been willing to record public service announcements and talk with teens about her struggles, recovery, and how the media and society unfairly put pressure on girls about their weight, clothing, and social lives. In keeping quiet, Katie Couric has opted to pour gasoline on the fire. How could she?

Today’s revelation by Couric is a disgrace. Sure, she’s entitled to her privacy and has no obligation to share everything in her past. But how dare she interview people like Kate Middleton and others and comment during the interviews about their weight and appearance.

The power to help—or not

Several months ago, I watched Piers Morgan interview Janet Jackson. She spoke at length about her “pudgy childhood”, lack of self-esteem, poor body image and obsession with exercise. She never once used the phrase “eating disorder.” Instead Jackson said she has long had an unhealthy relationship with food.

Janet Jackson managed to dance around the real issue. And now we learn that the cat seems to have had Katie Couric’s tongue for three decades.

It’s disingenuous at best that Couric is now talking about her illness.

Celebrities who have the courage to share their personal stories are the ones worth listening to.

Can someone please pull the plug on Katie Couric’s microphone?

Filed Under: Communicators, Interpersonal Relationships, media, News, PR, Self-Confidence, Success, Women Tagged With: Attitude, Bulimia, Communication, Demi Lovato, Depression, Eating disorders, Food, Healthy, interviews, Janet Jackson, Katie Couric, media, message, News, PR, Relationships, Self-Confidence, TV ratings, Women

Musings from a new 50-year-old

by Susan Young at 7:53 pm 11 Comments

Today’s my “big birthday.” 5-0.

I won’t reflect on ”Where did the time go?”

I won’t say 50 is the new 30. Gravity tells me otherwise.

I will say that this past week I have become remarkably indifferent about this birthday.

I was going to write a post such as, “50 things PR has taught me.” Or, ”50 snappy lessons from a 50-year-old.” Blah, blah, blah.

Instead, let’s go back 25 years. It’s 1987. On my 25th birthday, I sat in the den in the house I grew up in and talked with my mom.

When she expressed shock that I was 25 (and she wasn’t), I responded that I hadn’t accomplished much in 25 years. But of course, a mother’s wisdom emerged with this gem:

“You’ve been in school for most of your 25 years. It’s the next 25 years that will be more telling. G-dwilling, we should revisit this conversation when you’re 50. Then if you say that you haven’t done much, that’s a different story.”

Good point.

Today, I’m blessed that my parents are still with me and have seen my accomplishments these past 25 years. Naturally, they have been there for the rough patches, too. Which leads me to being grateful for my own two children, my husband, Andrew, my sisters, brother-in-law and their families. Throw in a big extended family, too.

As a 50-year-old, I will share this with you:

I checked the mirror this morning to make certain I didn’t wake up with a moustache. Mood swings: Stay tuned.
I have stopped short of cutting my hair like Jamie Lee Curtis.
I still get a peculiar look on my face when I look in the garage at my 2012 Hyundai Elantra. It’s a far cry from my first car, a 1981 Chevy Camaro.

It’s been a hell of a run these past 25 years.

Big plans for me? Not so much. I won’t be spending time trying to figure out what the next two decades may bring.

Instead, I’ll be busy taking a few deep breaths and enjoying the blessings of the moment.

Every day should be celebrated like this. It’s all I’ve got.

Filed Under: Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Motivation, Self-Confidence, Success, Women Tagged With: Attitude, communications, Interpersonal Communication, Motivation, rapport, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Success

Leaders: Are you managing based on love or fear?

by Susan Young at 2:53 pm 3 Comments

What’s the magic formula of a good leader? Most people will say they admire leaders who are:

Strong communicators
Honest
Visionaries
Consensus builders
Strategic thinkers
Savvy about business
Enthusiastic
Empathetic
Creative
Patient
Charismatic
Good listeners
Fair
Approachable
Open to admitting mistakes
Willing to share credit for success and celebrate with the team

If you’ve spent more than a few years in the workplace, you may wonder if such a person exists.

Leaders — like most people—want to be liked and respected. Yet some follow the path of fear, believing that workers who are apprehensive and live with trepidation will be productive.

They come from the mindset that work is not a popularity contest.

Martin Addison writes on TrainingJournal.com:

A dictatorial management style based around fear and control can be effective for some teams or departments. For example, for those working in a set and specific role in a highly structured environment. If you want to control people and get them to undertake certain tasks, through orders and instructions, then fear and intimidation can work as a way of getting people to do what you want.
The downside is that fear creates mistrust. In an intimidating environment—or where people are fearful of losing their jobs—they may work hard but they won’t deliver to their real capability because they’ll want to ensure that they don’t make mistakes. They won’t rock the boat or take risks because they won’t want to get punished. As soon as they feel that there will be consequences if they don’t succeed, they’ll stop performing.

Does HR seem busier when a manager is feared and not loved? Some employees may complain while others are afraid to gripe to HR because of their bosses’ management style.

A more spiritual and gentler approach to supervising others comes from Tao leadership. A post on Tao-in-you.com maintains that the best leader “is one whose existence is barely known by the people.”

“I have heard my master say that nurturing life is like keeping a flock of sheep,” says author Chuang Tzu. “You lash the last sheep, and the rest will move.”
The leadership style is effective and effortless.
It is so different from bulldozing. It is Tao leadership.
You hold a whip in your hand, but you are kind to the flock. You lash only when it is absolutely necessary, and only on the last sheep—one that makes the whole flock move.
Instead of pushing, you work on the nature of the flock. Although the flock is totally under your control, it follows without knowing that you exist.
The challenge, of course, is on knowing where the last sheep is.

These two examples of leadership show us two very different approaches. Somewhere in the middle is your organizational philosophy.

After all, whether leaders manage and communicate with love, respect, or fear, it sets the tone for your corporate culture.

Filed Under: Business, Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Leadership, rapport Tagged With: Attitude, Business, Communication, Leadership, listening, rapport, Self-Confidence, Success

5 secrets to relationship-based selling online

by Susan Young at 5:17 pm 7 Comments

Communicating online isn’t about technology. It’s about tapping into technology to connect with human beings.

With all the typing and tablets — and the absence of seeing a human face — it’s easy to forget that your online credibility is directly linked to relationship-based selling.

Don’t think numbers, think people.

Relationship-based selling is about helping people and organizations solve their business problems without the hard sales push that all of us loathe. It’s about truly putting the needs of others before your own.

This is the secret to building credibility in your social media circles. The digital landscape is vast, yet there is no room for selfish.

Yes, you have a mortgage to pay. Yes, your car needs an unexpected repair. Yes, your kids need new sneakers.

But when you’re able to put these challenges aside and not be driven by your own drama, you will come from a place of service and gratitude. Conversely, when you chase numbers, you almost always fall short.

Remember that desperation is very unappealing in business.

How do you let followers, friends, and connections know that you care deeply about their success?

Consider these five social media tips to build your credibility and relationships:

1. Listen to the conversations. Don’t throw yourself into an online chat or dialogue until you have a sense of the players and personalities. The benefits of this are two-fold. First, you will determine if this particular forum is appropriate and hits your target audience. Second, you will gain insights about the players and their interests, areas of expertise, and work. When you do your homework, your posts, tweets and content clearly show readers that you “get it.”

2. Stay up-to-date. Pay attention to industry twists, turns and trends. By keeping your finger on the pulse of the HR and recruiting industries, you will quickly discover the hot topics and issues your prospects are paying attention to. To save time, subscribe to e-newsletters, RSS feeds, and Google Alerts that filter important information from the Web.

3. Focus on solutions. Write for the reader and forget the sales pitch. It’s easy to outline problems, but people are looking for answers. Be willing to offer your knowledge without the expectation of receiving anything back. Your day will come. That’s the way the universe works.

4. Share good information from other people. Forget ulterior motives. The content you provide can — and should — come from other people and sources. Your generosity will be noticed — and appreciated. This also takes the pressure off of you to be the sole creator of content. To ensure your credibility is being boosted, check the link and content for accuracy before sharing.

5. Be a guest. Offer to be a guest blogger on a popular website. Offer to be the guest expert on a Twitter chat or webinar. Put yourself out there with the single goal of openly sharing your expertise and insights.

When you position yourself as a credible expert in your field, people will want to buy from you. You won’t have to sell anything.

Filed Under: Business, Communicators, Interpersonal Relationships, networking, sales, Social Networking Tagged With: Business, business growth, Communication, content, credibility, message, networking, Relationships, sales, Social Media, Success, technology, Twitter, Writing

Specializing in social marketing and business communications training