Improve Your Communication with Vocal Vitality
Making your words come alive is an integral component of your communication.
Many of you know I was an on-air radio news anchor and reporter for many years. In my college broadcasting classes, my favorite professor taught me that radio is “theater of the mind.” He then showed me and my classmates the importance of using our voices and vocal vitality to capture the essence of our words so we could create mental images for our listeners. After all, on the radio, there are no visuals or body language to fall back on. It’s all in the voice. We had to make our words come alive with vocal vitality. Give it life!
Your ability to use your voice to enhance your overall communication is essential. Even if you’re not on the radio, you probably still have to speak to people on conference calls, voicemail messages, in sales meetings, and for presentations. You don’t have to sound like a blustery game show host to have a vibrant and energetic voice.
A strong voice exudes confidence, authority, integrity, passion and enthusiasm. It builds instant credibility. A weaker sounding voice can diminish all of the above. The actual sound of your voice, which includes the timber, is something you are born with. Even with coaching and training, the true sound of your voice probably won’t change a great deal.
The good news is that you can learn how to improve your delivery and vocal habits and work with what you have. After all, you are the message.
Here are five tips to improve your vocal vitality and delivery:
1. Avoid timidity. If you sound nervous or unsure of yourself, your professional credibility will be diminished. Be sure to drop your voice down when completing a sentence. If your voice goes up at the end of the sentence, you sound as if you’re asking a question, not stating a fact. Be strong and confident.
2. Listen to yourself. For the sole purpose of learning, tape record a few casual conversations in your home and on the phone. Let your answering machine record your conversation. Pay attention to your inflection, pacing, tone of voice and vocal habits. Critiquing yourself can be a real eye-opener.
3. Emphasize important words. By stressing a key word or phrase, you truly drive your point home. Conversely, emphasizing the wrong word can add to confusion for your listener.
4. Take advantage of silences and pauses. These are especially powerful in business and sales. Many people feel uncomfortable with quiet. Silence is critical in sales meetings when you drop the gauntlet and ask your prospect the golden question, “Are you willing to give it a try?” or “Are there any concerns you have that are stopping you from signing the contract and getting started right now?” That moment of silence can make or break the deal.
5. Express passion in your voice. If you sound bored, dull or monotone, the people listening will be bored as well. If you are excited and truly believe in your words and message, you have a great shot at capturing their attention. Enthusiasm is contagious.
The two cornerstones of success are excellent communication skills and self-confidence. Improving your vocal viality will help you to succeed in these areas.
Quality Questions Reveal Quality Information
In 1970, Barbara Walters wrote a book titled “How to Talk to Practically Anyone about Practically Anything.” She says it was intended to help people start conversations and break the ice. These days, the questions can apply to networking, sales and casual conversations.
The book ended with a chapter titled “When All Else Fails-Twenty Sure-Fire Conversation Starters.” Walters, a pioneering woman in broadcast news, knows plenty about asking quality and thought-provoking questions. She says she still uses the following timeless questions in her interviews today. Consider your own responses.
1. If you were not doing the work you are doing now, what would you most like to be doing?
2. If you could live in any time in history, when would you have wished to live?
3. If you could be any person in history, who would it be?
4. If you were suddenly given a million dollars and told you had to spend it just on yourself, what is the first thing you would buy?
5. If you were hospitalized for three months but not really too sick—whom-and it can’t be a relative- would you want in the next bed?
You can gain insight into people’s personalities, interests, values and challenges by asking quality questions. On the list above, I thought my answers were pretty good, until I heard my husband’s responses.
The 10 Commandments of Effective Communication
I’ve spent these past 25 years as “Life’s Little Observer.” In my years in news, government and public relations, I’ve learned and obeyed the following Commandments. They weren’t handed to me from a mountaintop on stone tablets. They are lessons learned from the road.
1- Always listen more than you speak.
2- Compromise whenever possible.
3- Ask good questions.
4- Look for similarities to bring people together and avoid differences.
5- Develop charisma.
6- Know when to speak up and know when to shut up.
7- Understand and apply empathy and compassion with everyone you encounter; even strangers.
8- Choose your words and silence carefully.
9- Give all of your attention to the other person.
10- Be able to tell a good story.
What do you think? Do you obey any or all of these Commandments?
Insider Tips to Powerful Public Speaking
I wanted to share a few secrets I’ve discovered about public speaking with you. These go above and beyond the basics that I have written about previously, like organizing your content, snappy openings, and handling stage fright.
These tips are just as important as they build subliminal trust with your audience and help you to polish your presence on the platform.
1- Watch where you stand. If you are using PowerPoint or other technology, stand on the right side of the screen side (assuming your slides are in English, reading left to right). This will make it easier for your audience to read the written words on the slides and then naturally bring their eyes to you. By positioning yourself on the right side, your audience won’t have to shift their eyes. It sounds crazy, but that’s extra work for them! This makes for a nice, easy flow. If the podium is on the left side, either move it or don’t use it.
2-Keep your jacket open. In nonverbal communication, a closed jacket indicates you are hiding something. Send the subliminal message that you are open, honest and revealing.
3- Pass the prizes. If you have a giveaway for someone who volunteers for an activity and the person is seated, hand the item to someone in the front and ask them to pass it back to the winner. Others in the audience will touch it. This is especially effective if you have a product to sell. For instance, I usually have my “Communicating with Confidence” books for sale whenever I speak. I keep a few up front with me to use as give-aways when people volunteer. As the audience members pass the book back to the “winner” or volunteer, I casually mention I have copies in the back for sale. Once people have touched the book, they want to go back and buy a copy. It piques everyone’s curiosity.
These strategies can help you to build rapport and connect with your audience. They also build credibility and trust- two important qualities that speakers and experts need for success in business.
Privacy: A Shrinking Online and Media Commodity
Thanks to social media and the unrelenting cycle of professional “journalists” (not sure if many fit into this category these days; it’s almost embarrassing), our privacy seems to be a shrinking commodity. Some of us like it this way and play into the Tweets of “what are you doing” and updating our Facebook status to reflect every last feeling, mood, and activity. Many who are not involved in social media, for whatever reason, find it ludicrous to announce to the world that your shoelace is loose, you are changing diapers or considering lobster for dinner. Does anybody REALLY care? Does it impact us in any way?
We have allowed our privacy and personal lives to be open for all the world to read about, and possibly respond. Why?
With our kids, my husband and I have often used the line, “That’s family business; it stays in the house.” They are now 16 and 13, and I am not sure if they truly grasp this concept. Technology and nonstop news have interfered.
Did we (the world) really need to know the minute details of Michael Jackson’s life, death and most private moments? Do I really care that his casket cost $50,000? Did we need to know that he weighed 112 pounds? Was it critical for the world to hear from his brother in a TV interview that his three children stayed with his body and hugged and kissed him in the hospital as the world learned of his death? Days and days of broadcast time have been spent on spinning these small tales of unconfirmed talk…and for what? Beating the proverbial horse to death.
This is what fills our minds and conversations. We overstep the boundaries of privacy. We define this generation of millennials as “the narcissitic generation.” All because they too are caught up in shedding their privacy to reveal themselves in ways that we have never seen before. This is what they see and this is their reality.
We created this and every day we enable them. And why…and at what cost? Some things are indeed “family business”, and should stay that way. We must fill our minds and lives with more important things. Boundless opportunities to learn are available to us because of the Internet. Libraries are filled with books and resources. Maybe we need to refocus on what is relevant, and redraw and respect the boundary lines of privacy. It’s all connected.
The Three Most Dangerous Words
The three most dangerous words are “I know that.”
When someone utters these words it means they are completely shut down. Their eyes are closed. Their minds are closed. Their hearts are closed. It’s a dead-end place to be. Consider the times you may have said these words. Think back to the circumstances, why you said them and to whom you were speaking. Chances are it was not a very productive conversation. You probably felt tension and angst in your body as well.
Strong interpersonal relationships, effective communication and learning are all centered on open dialogues and conversation. When we approach conversations, even those that may be filled with anxiety, with an open mind and sense of calm, a more productive outcome will likely result.
“I know that” speaks volumes about your attitude, motivation and communication skills. The next time you are tempted to use this expression, step back for a quick second and bite your tongue. Be open and receptive to what is being said. You don’t have to agree. You just have to listen.
Bridging Communication Gaps with NLP
One of the greatest and most exciting discoveries in business, communication and psychology in the past 30 years has been Neurolinguistic Programming. NLP was developed in the 1970’s at the University of Santa Cruz in California. The founders of NLP, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, began discussing how some people are able to “get through to difficult people, and others can’t.” That’s how NLP was born.
It examines the relationships between thought, communication, and behavior. This methodology is used by top business leaders, politicians and athletes around the world. There are connections with Emotional Intelligence, but NLP goes beyond EQ (empathy, compassion, assertive communication and self-awareness).
NLP focuses on four key areas: rapport, sensory awareness (modalities), outcome thinking and behavioral flexibility. NLP teaches us how to bridge communication gaps, looking for similarities rather than differences. It helps us to become aware of how others understand and process information so we can communicate with them more effectively. It includes the secrets of nonverbal communication, influence and trust-building, limiting self-talk and modeling human behavior. It’s fascinating.
The core of NLP is based on our sensory modalities. If we listen carefully when others speak, they will drop cues and clues as to which modality they prefer. The three main modalities are:
• Visual – Most people are visual. They learn by seeing. They need to actually see how something is done in order to comprehend it. They use expressions like “I see”, “I get the picture” and “That’s crystal clear to me.”
• Auditory – Others learn by hearing. They can hear something explained once or twice and have a full understanding of the subject. Auditory people tend to use phrases like “That’s music to my ears”, “That sounds good to me” and “That rings a bell.”
• Kinesthetic – These folks learn best through touch and feel. Artists and creative people are usually kinesthetic. They may say things like “I get the point”, “I can embrace that idea” and “I have a bad feeling about that.”
If you tend to be more visual and you are disagreeing with someone who is an auditory person, it’s as if you are speaking Spanish and they are speaking French. It’s extremely difficult to communicate. When you identify someone else’s prime modality, you can use it to bridge the gap, build rapport and engage them. The outcome will be quite different than if you were butting heads and feeling frustrated.
Take time to learn more about Neurolinguistic Programming and how it can be used in all areas of your life. Having this skill set can enrich your relationships.
Living with Emotional Intelligence
Ninety percent of people are fired from their jobs because of attitudinal or relationship problems. Only ten percent lose their jobs due to lack of skill or ability. That’s according to a survey by U.S. News & World Report. A huge part of our success is based on our attitudes, communication and mindsets.
Regardless of your education or SAT scores, your IQ can not be changed. The number you were born with will stay with you for life. IQ measures spatial and cognitive reasoning and is mathematically-based. It can help you in solving right angle problems and theorems but will not help you in resolving a breakdown in communication while planning a team retreat, budget meeting or website overhaul. While education is important, it doesn’t ensure that you have adequate communication skills to connect with others and be successful in the workplace.
Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) is what I call “street smarts”. EQ is a huge factor in interpersonal relationships, communication and conflict resolution, both at work and at home. Individuals with high levels of EQ have compassion, empathy, congeniality, patience, assertiveness and self-awareness. The good news is that EQ traits can be developed. EQ often comes to us through life’s experiences.
Here are 3 Tips to Improving Your Emotional Intelligence:
1. Start watching people. Identify a few people who you admire for their empathy, self-confidence and assertive communication. Observe how they interact with others. Be aware of how people with strong EQ’s handle difficult individuals and situations. Those with high EQ tend to bring people together and not divide them. They are able to articulate and convey their opinions, recommendations, feelings and thoughts in a confident and calm way that is considerate and respectful to everyone. They don’t blame others. They take full responsibility for their actions and behavior.
2. Develop assertive communication skills. People with high levels of EQ understand that every spoken sentence does not require an answer. They don’t react and they definitely don’t over-react. Silence may initially feel awkward but silence in conversations and in conflicts can be extremely powerful. By asking good questions and truly listening, you will show others that you genuinely care about them and are empathetic. Practice with the approach of less talking and more listening.
3. Validate the other person’s feelings. Avoid shifting the focus of the conversation. It’s important to allow others to express themselves without judging, criticizing or interrupting. If a co-worker complains to you that their items in the budget were cut, allow them to vent for a few minutes. Don’t spend too much time talking about how you felt when you fell victim to a budget crunch at your old job. Even if you have never experienced the swinging budget ax, you can still be compassionate and listen. You don’t have to fall out of a window to know it hurts.
Awareness is critical. Be brutally honest with yourself. Think about how you behave, react, and respond in stressful situations and conflicts. Your verbal and nonverbal communication is critical in EQ. Understand the “triggers” that can potentially set you off. Who pushes your buttons? Where can you make improvements?
Management and business guru Jim Rohn said, “Work on your career and you’ll make a living. Work on yourself and you’ll make a fortune.”
12 Tips to Successful Networking: Build Relationships
Whether you own your business or work for someone else, effective networking will add to your success. It will also help to build your self-confidence, speaking skills and interpersonal relationships. In the end, networking leads to new relationships and referrals. It will help you make more money.
Use these 12 strategies to sharpen your networking abilities and widen your business circles. Don’t collect business cards; build relationships!
1- Arrive in a good mood. If you go to a meeting, event or trade show with a positive attitude, everyone you encounter will notice. Decide ahead of time that you will have a great experience and meet your ideal clients. If you think you’re wasting your time, you’ll probably have a negative experience. If you had a bad day, skip the event and attend another when you’re in a better mood.
2- Set a goal. Consider why you are attending this specific event. Know your ideal client. If you do business in the real estate industry, determine where the decision-makers spend time and which events they attend. Go find them. Travel in their circles.
3- Stand by the door. Arrive early and hang around by the entrance to the room. When people register and begin moving into the room, you will be one of the first people they see. This is especially helpful to others who may attend alone and could be looking for someone to chat with and break the ice.
4- Forget the food and drinks. Do not focus on your appetite; you are there to mingle and do business. Food can easily become a distraction. Celebrate at home after the event with a drink—having met your networking goals and ideal clients.
5- Sit with people you don’t know. It may feel awkward at first but introduce yourself to new people with a smile and friendly demeanor. Find a table that has an empty chair and ask if it’s ok to join them. Remember your goal is to meet new people, not spend time commiserating with people you already know.
6- Be aware of your body language. Avoid “darting eyes” and stay focused on the person you are speaking with. Stand tall, strong and proud.
7- Prepare your “30 second commercial.” This should be a quick description of the results you get for clients. Dump the cutesy catch phrases that may confuse people. Structure your commercial by this example that I use for my public relations company: “I work with businesses and nonprofits to increase their publicity, credibility and revenues.” Position yourself by concept, not title. This is extremely important for business growth.
8- Make small talk. Even if it’s simply the weather, a local sports team or vacation plans, be sure you are able to strike up a light conversation with strangers. Avoid touchy topics including politics, religion and jokes. Try to stay up-to-date on current news stories. Also, don’t fall into the trap of adding to a conversation that’s filled with complaining and negativity. It’s poison; try and gently move the conversation onto something more positive.
9- Ask good questions. Steer conversations towards the other person, their business, challenges and needs. When someone asks you what you do, answer in a quick line or two and suggest, “I can share more about my business in a minute but I’d really like to learn what your company does.” Listen closely and you’ll soon be able to determine if this person could use your expertise. Dig deep.
10- Work the room. If you are in a conversation that seems to be a dead-end, politely excuse yourself to use the restroom, make a call or find an associate in the room. Spend a few minutes with each person instead of an hour with one individual.
11- Bring plenty of business cards. Remember, the reason you are attending the event is to meet people! If you forgot your cards, you may seriously want to consider going back to get them or skipping the program. Be prepared. Also, don’t feel obligated to give your cards to everyone you meet. Hand them to people who request them.
12- Dress appropriately. Wear business attire and look polished and professional. Check the mirror and brush your teeth as needed…and ladies, only touch-up makeup, including lipstick, in the restroom.
Bonus: During sit-down programs, do not check your calendar, messages, or texts. Use good manners and pay attention to the speaker and those around you. People are watching. Be congruent –from the inside, out.
Body Language Tips: Using Your Hands to Build Rapport
“What should I do with my hands?” is the common question I get from people in my communications and body language programs.
Your gestures are important because they can be used to your advantage in conversations, meetings and interviews. The key is to be comfortable with your body movements so they seem natural and not awkward. A combination of strong verbal and nonverbal communication skills will help you to build rapport with clients, prospects and colleagues.
Here are 5 tips on gestures and how they affect your communication:
1- Fold your hands neatly in your lap when you are seated in a meeting. Avoid fidgeting or tapping your pen or fingers. This indicates you are anxious or nervous.
2- Open your palms and face them up to the ceiling when you are in a sales meeting with a prospect. This indicates you are open to his ideas and information. You are friendly and learning.
3- Place your palms down on the table when you ask for the sales or business. This indicates you are assertive and confident.
4- Avoid clenched fists. This gesture shows an emotional state of either anger or excitement. In a meeting, it can also indicate you are closed or tight.
5- Keep your hands to your sides when standing and speaking to someone. To gesture in a confident and casual manner, keep your elbows at your sides and extend your hands up out to the shoulder-chin range. Think of yourself inside of a 20-inch TV screen with a close-up shot that frames only your head and shoulders. As you speak, move your hands appropriately to match your words.
Some Fun Bonus Tips:
Hand or Finger on Nose= Deception-“Pinocchio”
Hand on Ear= Unwillingness to Listen Anymore
Hand Resting on Chin= Attentive
Scratch of Neck or Back= Disbelief
Some people are naturally more animated than others. Gesturing may not feel comfortable to you if you are more subdued or unaccustomed to using your hands and body to enhance conversations. My advice is to watch how others who are confident and successful move and tie-in gestures when they speak. After some observation and practice, you’ll be able to casually use your hand movements in a way that feels natural.
