On Listening, Communicating & Multi-Tasking
I recently had the honor and opportunity to interview Emmy-award winning journalist Linda Ellerbee. She’s a former TV network news anchor, the host of the acclaimed “Nick News” on Nickelodeon, a breast cancer survivor and really neat lady. I talked with her about listening and communication skills.
Here’s an excerpt from our conversation.We were chatting about distractions that typically interfere with effective communication. Enter: Multi-tasking.
According to Ellerbee, “Everyone today gets praised for multi-tasking. I hate multi-tasking. I hate the idea that I am suppose to be on-line, on my laptop, with the TV on and doing all of these things at once. I think we are far better, and I’m not particularly good at it I don’t think, I’m far better at concentrating on one thing intensely and then switching to something else. Multi-tasking just does not suit me. I don’t know why we consider it to be such an attribute. Someone who is doing ten things at once is not doing all ten of them well. Usually the one that is getting lost is listening to what any one else around you is saying.”
We trick ourselves into believing we are super-talented and productive but in reality, scientists say our brains are capable of effectively managing only one task at a time. What a concept.
25 Success Tips to Master Your Life
Learning how to master your life can be the most amazing yet challenging experience. These critical skills and lessons are invaluable to your success. Unfortunately most of these nuggets are not contained in textbooks or taught in classrooms. Most of us don’t learn these habits in school.
People who take the time to commit themselves to personal development, discipline and good habits are the individuals who will excel. These habits and tips will work for you regardless of your IQ, education, background or financial situation. When you learn to control your mind, you will be empowered to succeed.
Personal development is an ongoing process. Here are 25 proven real-life strategies to help you to manage your life.
1. Cultivate a positive attitude. You are in complete control of your attitude and outlook. It’s a mind game and it’s an “inside job.” When you move through each moment of the day with a bright and optimistic view, your world will unfold with blessings and goodness.
2. Drop your old stuff. Imagine walking around every day with heavy metal garbage cans filled with old junk shackled to your ankles. It would be very difficult to move ahead with ease and comfort. Too many of us spend our lives dragging around emotional baggage that doesn’t serve us well. You may need to talk to a counselor, confront someone or write a letter and then burn it. Acknowledge the pain and move on. It will set you free.
3. Wake up early. No matter how tired or busy you are, take at least five minutes in the morning before anyone else is awake to sit alone quietly. You may want to read something inspirational, meditate, pray, or take a walk outside to greet the new day. These few minutes will bring you peace of mind in a busy world.
4. Use your mental resources to achieve unbridled success. Read books on positive self-talk, daily affirmations and visualization. Talk to people who use these strategies to achieve their goals. Integrate them into your own daily routine. When you learn to discipline your mind, your life will completely change for the better.
5. Avoid spending time with energy drains and “naysayers.” People who complain and are negative will quickly deplete your energy and steal your joy. Limit your time with poisonous people. Surround yourself with positive people who will inspire and encourage you. Remember you can not change anyone else. You can only change yourself. Be the fountain, not the drain.
6. Take time to think and read. You probably use a calendar or electronic gadget to keep track of your projects, meetings and appointments. Schedule a small block of time each day to think and read. If you take five minutes a day to think and 15 minutes a day to read, these two activities can significantly enrich your life and mind.
7. Commit yourself to a life of learning. Turn off the television and radio and fill your mind with information and knowledge that can help you to be successful. If you drive a lot, listen to a motivational or educational CD. Read at least one book a month. Learn from some of the greats by reading biographies on Ghandi, Harry Truman, Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou and Bill Gates. Read magazine articles from successful people you’d like to emulate. Success leaves clues.
8. Make deposits in people’s emotional bank accounts. Take time to tell people that you care about them, share a compliment or simply a smile (yes even to strangers). It helps to create a small ripple of goodness in the universe. You set the stage for the person you helped to do the same for someone else. We’ll all be better for it. Pay it forward.
9. Quit criticizing, judging and complaining. These three habits destroy people and relationships. When you become aware of how you are behaving, that’s when changes can be made. Criticizing, judging and complaining are energy drains for yourself and everyone you encounter.
10. Fail forward. An experience is not a failure if you have learned from it and can apply it to your life. If something doesn’t succeed as you had hoped, when you are down on the ground, be sure to pick up a lesson or valuable insight. That’s called a stepping stone to success. If you learned something, you didn’t fail.
11. Keep a journal. You don’t have to be a good writer but a journal is a wonderful tool to record your feelings, thoughts and activities. It’s a great timeline for future reference. The good thing about journaling is that there are no rules. Some people write religiously every day, while others write a few times a month. Sometimes a journal is the place for a much-needed brain dump. Consider dedicating one section for your Gratitude Journal- reminding yourself each day of a few things that happened that you are grateful for.
12. Write down your goals. Keep a visual reminder of your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals. When we write things down, we activate our subconscious minds to move forward towards our target. Be sure to keep your list in a place that you can see it every day. It’s a great motivator.
13. Be in the moment. That means that wherever your feet are, your head is. In other words, stop the relentless mental soundtrack that plays 24/7 that distracts you from paying true attention to conversations and situations. By silencing your mind and pushing away mental interruptions, you will be more fully engaged in the present moment as life unfolds. Your relationships will thrive. Give people the gift of your attention.
14. Tell the truth. Honesty is based on the principle of integrity. Always tell the truth.
15. Expect good things to happen. When we anticipate good things, they usually happen. If you expect happiness, love and success, they will start showing up in your life. If you look for bad things, they will show up as well. It’s like ordering food in a restaurant. You generally get what you ask for. What we think about, we bring about.
16. Always do your best. Every day we are faced with hundreds of decisions including what to wear, which route to take to work, what to eat for lunch, whether to start a project or call a friend. In each moment, you must consider your options and do your best. Your best will vary. If you have a cold on Tuesday and didn’t have a good night’s sleep, your best will not be the same on Friday when you feel better and are well rested. Every day we have countless possibilities to do our best.
17. Nurture people who are near and dear to you. Let them know how you feel. Whether it’s a handwritten letter, an electronic greeting card, a phone call or a conversation over lunch, telling people how much you care about them and why, can have a wonderful impact on both of you. Tell them now.
18. Create a dreamboard. Use a poster board and cut out pictures of what your ideal life looks like. By making a collage of the images that you are striving for, your subconscious mind will kick into autopilot and start moving you forward. Think big and include pictures and phrases from magazines and travel brochures. You may want to include a family picture in the center. Have fun with your collage and be sure to look at it every day.
19. Avoid procrastination. When something needs to be done, get right to it. Putting it off will only cause stress and anxiety. You may not realize it, but something as minor as running an errand can fester in our minds and bodies. Actor Denzel Washington says that he and his wife have raised their four children with the rule “Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.”
20. Give freely to people. When you dedicate your life to the philosophy of “What can I give you?” without expecting anything in return, the entire universe will shift for the better. Focus on being of service to other people in every situation you encounter. Shift from being a “go-getter” and to a “go-giver.”
21. Understand the quality of charisma. Charisma is defined as appeal, charm, magnetism and allure. It’s a magical quality that most leaders possess. These are people who look like winners and act like winners. They tend to have big dreams and reach for them. People with charisma show kindness and empathy towards others. They are interested in the people they encounter, have a strong sense of humor and are known for their strength of character. Watch them and learn from them.
22. Laugh every day. Children laugh an average of 300-400 times a day. Adults laugh an average of 15-20 times a day. Where did our joy go? Remember those deep belly laughs when you laugh so hard, you’re literally in tears? We need those hearty bursts of laughter that emanate from our souls. Find something to laugh about every day.
23. Live a healthy life. Be aware of the implications of your diet, nutrition and exercise. Avoid foods with sugar and white flour as they are the addictive drugs of the food chain. Avoid eating heavy meals, especially at night. Stay away from excess, including drugs and alcohol. Exercising and drinking water will help your body to function in new and improved ways. When food shopping, read the labels and know the ingredients. When dining out, ask for your meal to be prepared the way you want it. Take vitamins. Protect your body.
24. Be punctual, or early. Do your best to arrive at least 5-10 minutes early for appointments. When you are early for meetings and appointments, you are considerate of other people’s time. It also helps you to walk in without being frazzled, annoyed or stressed.
25. Be accountable for yourself. Do not blame other people. Take full responsibility for your actions and words. It’s a sign of maturity.
Throwing Shoes
It’s interesting to observe how people use their communication to express emotion. I’ve been studying and teaching verbal and nonverbal communication for 25 years. Often times, you never have to say a word to express your happiness or disgust in a certain situation; your facial expression, gestures, body language, physiology and actions will tell the true story of your emotions.
And so goes the tirade of journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi, a 28-year-old Shiite Arab journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush during a press conference in Baghdad. He apparently yelled in Arabic at Bush and then hurled his shoes across the packed room. Bush was able to duck but came close to getting nailed with each of the shoes.
According to the Associated Press, “showing the sole of your shoe to someone in the Arab world is a sign of extreme disrespect, and throwing your shoes is even worse.”
How do you handle highly charged emotions and situations? Do you flip someone the bird, scream and curse, throw things, or worse—turn violent and abusive?
Being aware of how you behave and what’s appropriate comes with maturity. It’s called Emotional Intelligence. It develops with age. People who experience different stresses and difficult situations learn from their experiences (and mistakes) and over time, develop Emotional Intelligence. It’s actually part of our brain function that doesn’t completely form until the age of 25. That’s why I’m often hired to teach EQ to college students. They need help in understanding and managing their reactions and communication.
Experts say that successful managers, leaders and business professionals have high levels of EQ. They can relate well to others. As we age, we become more empathetic, congenial, thoughtful, assertive and aware of our actions. Regardless of your age, EQ is a character trait that can be learned.
I don’t know if al-Zeidi had planned his outburst or if he acted on sheer impulse. He certainly got the attention of the world. To some people it’s negative attention; to others both in the US and abroad, he’s a hero. Politics aside, how do you rate his style of communication?
In the Business of Knowledge
The Star Ledger newspaper in New Jersey recently reported that President-elect Obama’s transition team has selected Rutgers University history professor Clement Price to help choose the next director of the National Endowment for the Humanities.
This may not be the biggest news of the day, but Price, had an amazing quote.
When interviewed, he explained, “The National Endowment for the Humanities is designed to promote knowledge and I’m in the knowledge business.”
Are you in the knowledge business? Are you the COE- Chief of Everything, or the CEO- Chief Executive Officer of your life? Maybe you take too much responsibility for everyone and everything. Maybe you’re the self-imposed “Mayor of the Universe.” Is that too lofty of a position for you? Too much pressure? Maybe you need to resign; to simplify your life? Maybe you need to change gears and shift your attitude.
The way to get into the knowledge business is to become a lifelong student of learning. It’s time for us to turn off poisonous newscasts filled with doom and gloom, the shallow reality shows that attract millions of viewers each week and the other things we fill our heads with that don’t help us grow and learn. Too many people are complaining about their mediocre lives. These are NOT people in the knowledge business. They are in the business of having their own never –ending “Pity Party.”
This week, I will bring my “Attitude Adjustment 101” program to the National Council on Student Leadership Conference (NCSL) for college students in Orlando Florida. I will talk about the eight steps needed to improve your attitude. These are all tools and strategies that people in the knowledge business tap into. They include goal setting, visualization, discipline, surround yourself with successful people and more. There’s no talk of
”Pity Parties” and Paul Abdul. There is talk of empowerment, success and knowledge.
Commit yourself to learning one new thing a day and actually applying it to your life. Who knows, you may soon find yourself in the business of knowledge.
Why We Need More BS
If you’re like me, work, business and family may feel a bit overwhelming at times. We are constantly bombarded with irrelevant information, messages, electronic gadgets, and now, unsettling news about our collective economic future. We have so many choices and decisions to make; so much information to decipher, decode and decide on. Whether it’s a new search engine project, budget cuts, or creating a new marketing plan, I keep hearing myself saying “It’s BS-take it slow; We need to take Baby Steps.”
This BS approach is especially important to people like me who like instant results and gratification. The BS mentality reminds me of what I have taught business professionals and college students in my public relations and communication programs. That is we often have to set the table before we sit down to eat. Indeed our technology has drastically changed the pace and the world in which we live. But so much of what we do, especially in business and relationships, requires us to slow down and plant seeds that will eventually take root and produce fruit. Baby Steps.
Maybe this BS approach comes with maturity. And then there’s that P word—patience. In leadership programs I teach, we talk about being decisive. Strong leaders don’t make hasty decisions. They are patient. They learn, read, analyze, understand, ask questions and study. They get clarity. They take Baby Steps. Then they make a decision.
BS —we often function more efficiently and with less pressure when we use the BS approach. You may want to try it.
Managing Stress-Teleseminar class
I am hearing from people all over the country that they are stressed out to the point that they are looking for a stress management class, a stress relief workshop and real-life strategies to cope with stress. I speak to so many people about personal development, positive attitudes, communication skills and motivation but we all seem to slip. It’s good to know when too much anxiety requires help. Don’t feel embarrassed if you’re looking for help. That’s a good thing.
According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, two-thirds of all Americans are likely to seek help for stress and 54% are concerned about stress in everyday life. Experts say stress is a vast epidemic and is continuing to grow.
To help people learn coping skills for stress and stress management techniques, I’ll be hosting a teleseminar on stress management. I think it’s easy and convenient to participate (it’s anonymous too) on a telephone conference call for an hour in the privacy of your own home or office. After reviewing some of my website data on visitors and what they are looking for, I have found that individuals, colleges, church groups and businesses from Orange County, CA to Manhattan to Tulsa, OK are searching for ways to ease the stress in their lives.
There is GOOD NEWS! Take just one hour of your day on Thursday July 31, 2008 at 12:00 p.m. EST (11:00 a.m. CST) to join me on a phone call on this important topic. You will learn:
• The #1 Success Formula for Handling Stress
• How to Idenify and Control Your “Stress Triggers”
• 5 Key Sproven Strategies to Managing Overwhelm
• 7 Ways to Use your Inner Resources for A Stress-Free Life
• The 3 Most Important Words in Life
Let’s face it. We are constantly being bombarded with negative news on the economy, politics, quality of life, crime and more. Our lives are hectic, busy and demanding. We sleep less, work more, and run, run, run.
Set aside 60 minutes for yourself on July 31 and join me for a class on the phone that can help to improve the quality of your life! Register online at >www.getinfrontcommunications.com.
Welcome to Susan Young’s Get In Front Blog!
I’ve decided to join the blogging world. Admittedly I am a bit nervous in these uncharted waters. I’m told it’s fun, safe, interesting and will be easy for me, after all I am a writer by trade! (blank moment, sorry.)
So to get started, I am excited to use this outlet as a place for sharing information and thoughts in areas of my expertise—communication, attitude, sales, motivation, business, Emotional Intelligence, leadership and college speaking. I invite you to visit my website at www.getinfrontcommunications.com.
I’ve been asked by several people lately about time management. I thought that would be a good place to start.
There’s another word for time management. It’s called DISCIPLINE. These are just two of several topics that are included in my “Successful Business Habits for Life” public seminar in NJ on June 26 (register online at www.getinfrontcommunications.com). I offer proven strategies to help ease stress and better handle productivity, meetings, and communication issues. These strategies are proven and work for college students, sales professionals, nonprofit staff and entrepreneurs. If you’re like me and are looking for instant gratification (hey, who isn’t these days?) you’ll really do well at the seminar because everything I offer you can be put to use immediately.
Here are 3 quick tips to better manage your time and reduce stress:
1- Prioritize everything.
Make an “Action List” at the end of each work day that has two columns. The left column should be labeled “Intended Outcome” and the right one should be marked “My Next Step.” David Allen, author of Getting Things Done says this is not a To DO list but rather a system that requires you to see the benefit of an outcome or result and the one step or action you need to do to make it happen. For example, if you have to write a proposal to a potential client, your intended outcome may be “Help Joe Smith grow his business” and your next step is to research information for proposal and send it to Joe by 3 PM” Once your list is made, highlight or label the items as A,B or C. All “A” items should be done by noon. “B” items have a little breathing room, and you may be able to delegate some of the “C” items. This “chinking down system” will help you to better plan your day. Of course there are always those fires that seem to crop up that aren’t on the list.
2- Use the 4 D’s.
Label four file folders with the following: Do, Defer, Delegate and Dump. Papers in the Do folder need immediate attention and some kind of action on your part. Items in the Defer folder may be able to wait a while, like a deadline to register for a conference that has a three-week window. The Delegate file gets handed off to support staff or others that can handle tasks not needing your time and attention. The Dump file, gets thrown out. The key: Never touch the same piece of paper twice. Avoid moving papers around on your desk.
3- Make a list of how you spend your days.
For one entire week, keep a notebook handy and write down exactly how you spend your time and what you are doing. Include everything, such as checking personal e-mails, lunch, surfing the web, office chatter with a friend, meetings, calls, and appointments. Include even the trivial items. When you review your list at the end of the week, you will likely be surprised at how much time is spent on items that you can either delegate, or do before or after work hours.
