Attitude Adjustment 101: 7 Tips for Success
“Work on your career and you’ll make a living. Work on yourself and you’ll make a fortune.” - Jim Rohn
Regardless of the number of college credits or degrees you have, the truth is that much of your success is determined by your attitude. Education is worthwhile but a good attitude is priceless. If you search for a college that has a concentration of study entitled “Attitude,” you will likely come up empty-handed. Yet, the world would be a better place if we could major in “Attitude.”
If attitude is not taught in school, then why do some people have great attitudes and others seem poisonous? More importantly, how can you shift your attitude from mediocre to magnificent?
Here are seven tips for Attitude Adjustment 101.
1- Take responsibility for your attitude. Be brutally honest with yourself about who you are and how you behave.
2- Recognize warning signs. Your mind is like a computer—garbage in; garbage out. If you tell yourself that you are “just okay,” you will be “just okay.” What you think about, you bring about. Plant seeds of optimism and hope; not weeds of pessimism and doubt.
3- Use positive affirmations. Tell yourself every day that you are an outstanding person.Your self-talk is critical to your success.
4- Make mental movies. Your subconscious mind operates on images and pictures. Learn and apply creative visualization and see your ideal life in absolute detail. Envision your ideal day and your mind will begin to make it happen. You are the director, producer, writer and star. Make it a winner!
5- Write down your goals. The subconscious mind kicks into action when you put your goals in writing. List three short-term and three long-term goals. Be sure to include a target date of accomplishment. Outline the steps you will take every day to achieve your goals.
6- Put your head down and focus. Successful people do not focus on negative water cooler gossip, complainers and time wasters. Set your goals and get to work.
7- Surround yourself with successful people. Think about the people you admire and what kinds of characteristics, traits, habits and values they have. Success leaves clues.
It takes 21 days to form a new habit. If you practice these ways to adjust your attitude for at least 21 days, you will begin to see changes.
President John F. Kennedy said, “The human mind is our most fundamental resource.” Your mind is a fertile garden that will grow whatever you plant in it. Life is better when you have a good attitude.
Leadership and Success Tips from One of the Greats
Napoleon Hill’s classic book Think and Grow Rich was first published in 1937. As much as things have changed in our world, so much remains the same. Here is Hill’s list of eleven major attributes of leadership.
1. Unwavering courage based upon knowledge of self and of one’s occupation.
2. Self-control (“Self-control sets a mighty example for one’s followers, which the more intelligent will emulate”)
3. A keen sense of justice
4. Definiteness of decision
5. Definiteness of plans- plan your work and work your plan
6. The habit of doing more than paid for- a leader does more than is required of his followers
7. A pleasing personality-no careless person can become a successful leader
8. Sympathy and understanding
9. Mastery of detail
10. Willingness to assume full responsibility
11. Cooperation
Hill goes on to say that leadership by consent and with the sympathy of followers is far more effective than leadership by force. He concludes that “the man who makes these eleven factors the basis of his leadership will find abundant opportunity to lead in any walk of life.”
I have to agree, especially with that last line. Do you?
Lessons Learned
I wanted to share some random life lessons and insights I have picked up during my 46 years on this planet. They are in no particular order. Your thoughts?
1- Use an electrical outlet when one is available. Battery power should be Option #2.
2- Observe others around you before you speak.
3- Keep something to read with you at all times (in your car, briefcase & travel bag)
4- Keep your car clean.
5- Express gratitude on a daily basis.
6-When in doubt, dress “up”, not down.
7- Walk into a room Tall, Strong and Proud.
8- Develop the fine art of Charisma.
9- Be able to laugh at yourself.
10-Don’t blame anyone, and don’t ever blame yourself.
11- Think you can.
12- Respect everyone, especially those older than you, and children.
13- Remember where you came from.
14- Understand that the people who seem to need the least amount of love, usually need the most.
15- Know a good clean joke.
16- Expect good things to happen.
17- Know how to quiet your mind, especially in stressful times.
18- Keep a journal.
19-Know that there are no accidents or coincidences. The world is unfolding exactly as it’s supposed to be.
20- Always leave a tip.
21- Never say never.
22- Read, read, read.
23- Eat chocolate occasionally.
24- Surround yourself with successful people.
25- Live with integrity. Put your head down on your pillow each night knowing you did your best.
Amen.
5 Tips to Successfully Coping with Change
It’s no secret that people don’t like change. Change is linked to the basic theory behind Economics 101. If it’s not changing, its not growing. If it’s not growing, it’s dying. Change is constant and it’s all around us. If I dip my foot in the Atlantic Ocean in Belmar, NJ, 30 seconds later I can dip my foot in the same spot but things have naturally shifted. The waves have rolled in and the waves have pulled back. Things are different.
Change is a process, not an event. It takes time.
Consider that you have changed from two hours ago. You have experienced things, interacted with people and have learned. You’re not the same person you were yesterday and you’re not the same person you were five years ago. Your skin and cells have literally regenerated, so your physical body has changed as well as your emotions and mental capacity.
Your ability and willingness to adapt to change plays a critical role in your attitude, success and life. Here are 5 tips to coping with change:
1- Embrace change as something that’s new and exciting with an opportunity to grow. Fear paralyzes people. If nothing changes, nothing changes. This is where people get stuck.
2- Understand that change moves us from competence (our comfort zone) to incompetence. This is natural. It’s called learning.
3- Remember that many people don’t mind change. The problem comes when people believe they are “being changed” without their consent. That’s a huge difference.
4-Create a mindset of learning. “Good change” comes from inside and sparks creativity within us. Be open.
5- Motivate yourself by looking at the Status Quo. Is your Status Quo a positive or negative element? Is it intolerable or is it a catalyst for a new opportunity?
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” — Karen Kaiser Clark
The 10 Commandments of Effective Communication
I’ve spent these past 25 years as “Life’s Little Observer.” In my years in news, government and public relations, I’ve learned and obeyed the following Commandments. They weren’t handed to me from a mountaintop on stone tablets. They are lessons learned from the road.
1- Always listen more than you speak.
2- Compromise whenever possible.
3- Ask good questions.
4- Look for similarities to bring people together and avoid differences.
5- Develop charisma.
6- Know when to speak up and know when to shut up.
7- Understand and apply empathy and compassion with everyone you encounter; even strangers.
8- Choose your words and silence carefully.
9- Give all of your attention to the other person.
10- Be able to tell a good story.
What do you think? Do you obey any or all of these Commandments?
Bridging Communication Gaps with NLP
One of the greatest and most exciting discoveries in business, communication and psychology in the past 30 years has been Neurolinguistic Programming. NLP was developed in the 1970’s at the University of Santa Cruz in California. The founders of NLP, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, began discussing how some people are able to “get through to difficult people, and others can’t.” That’s how NLP was born.
It examines the relationships between thought, communication, and behavior. This methodology is used by top business leaders, politicians and athletes around the world. There are connections with Emotional Intelligence, but NLP goes beyond EQ (empathy, compassion, assertive communication and self-awareness).
NLP focuses on four key areas: rapport, sensory awareness (modalities), outcome thinking and behavioral flexibility. NLP teaches us how to bridge communication gaps, looking for similarities rather than differences. It helps us to become aware of how others understand and process information so we can communicate with them more effectively. It includes the secrets of nonverbal communication, influence and trust-building, limiting self-talk and modeling human behavior. It’s fascinating.
The core of NLP is based on our sensory modalities. If we listen carefully when others speak, they will drop cues and clues as to which modality they prefer. The three main modalities are:
• Visual – Most people are visual. They learn by seeing. They need to actually see how something is done in order to comprehend it. They use expressions like “I see”, “I get the picture” and “That’s crystal clear to me.”
• Auditory – Others learn by hearing. They can hear something explained once or twice and have a full understanding of the subject. Auditory people tend to use phrases like “That’s music to my ears”, “That sounds good to me” and “That rings a bell.”
• Kinesthetic – These folks learn best through touch and feel. Artists and creative people are usually kinesthetic. They may say things like “I get the point”, “I can embrace that idea” and “I have a bad feeling about that.”
If you tend to be more visual and you are disagreeing with someone who is an auditory person, it’s as if you are speaking Spanish and they are speaking French. It’s extremely difficult to communicate. When you identify someone else’s prime modality, you can use it to bridge the gap, build rapport and engage them. The outcome will be quite different than if you were butting heads and feeling frustrated.
Take time to learn more about Neurolinguistic Programming and how it can be used in all areas of your life. Having this skill set can enrich your relationships.
Living with Emotional Intelligence
Ninety percent of people are fired from their jobs because of attitudinal or relationship problems. Only ten percent lose their jobs due to lack of skill or ability. That’s according to a survey by U.S. News & World Report. A huge part of our success is based on our attitudes, communication and mindsets.
Regardless of your education or SAT scores, your IQ can not be changed. The number you were born with will stay with you for life. IQ measures spatial and cognitive reasoning and is mathematically-based. It can help you in solving right angle problems and theorems but will not help you in resolving a breakdown in communication while planning a team retreat, budget meeting or website overhaul. While education is important, it doesn’t ensure that you have adequate communication skills to connect with others and be successful in the workplace.
Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) is what I call “street smarts”. EQ is a huge factor in interpersonal relationships, communication and conflict resolution, both at work and at home. Individuals with high levels of EQ have compassion, empathy, congeniality, patience, assertiveness and self-awareness. The good news is that EQ traits can be developed. EQ often comes to us through life’s experiences.
Here are 3 Tips to Improving Your Emotional Intelligence:
1. Start watching people. Identify a few people who you admire for their empathy, self-confidence and assertive communication. Observe how they interact with others. Be aware of how people with strong EQ’s handle difficult individuals and situations. Those with high EQ tend to bring people together and not divide them. They are able to articulate and convey their opinions, recommendations, feelings and thoughts in a confident and calm way that is considerate and respectful to everyone. They don’t blame others. They take full responsibility for their actions and behavior.
2. Develop assertive communication skills. People with high levels of EQ understand that every spoken sentence does not require an answer. They don’t react and they definitely don’t over-react. Silence may initially feel awkward but silence in conversations and in conflicts can be extremely powerful. By asking good questions and truly listening, you will show others that you genuinely care about them and are empathetic. Practice with the approach of less talking and more listening.
3. Validate the other person’s feelings. Avoid shifting the focus of the conversation. It’s important to allow others to express themselves without judging, criticizing or interrupting. If a co-worker complains to you that their items in the budget were cut, allow them to vent for a few minutes. Don’t spend too much time talking about how you felt when you fell victim to a budget crunch at your old job. Even if you have never experienced the swinging budget ax, you can still be compassionate and listen. You don’t have to fall out of a window to know it hurts.
Awareness is critical. Be brutally honest with yourself. Think about how you behave, react, and respond in stressful situations and conflicts. Your verbal and nonverbal communication is critical in EQ. Understand the “triggers” that can potentially set you off. Who pushes your buttons? Where can you make improvements?
Management and business guru Jim Rohn said, “Work on your career and you’ll make a living. Work on yourself and you’ll make a fortune.”
25 Success Tips to Master Your Life
Learning how to master your life can be the most amazing yet challenging experience. These critical skills and lessons are invaluable to your success. Unfortunately most of these nuggets are not contained in textbooks or taught in classrooms. Most of us don’t learn these habits in school.
People who take the time to commit themselves to personal development, discipline and good habits are the individuals who will excel. These habits and tips will work for you regardless of your IQ, education, background or financial situation. When you learn to control your mind, you will be empowered to succeed.
Personal development is an ongoing process. Here are 25 proven real-life strategies to help you to manage your life.
1. Cultivate a positive attitude. You are in complete control of your attitude and outlook. It’s a mind game and it’s an “inside job.” When you move through each moment of the day with a bright and optimistic view, your world will unfold with blessings and goodness.
2. Drop your old stuff. Imagine walking around every day with heavy metal garbage cans filled with old junk shackled to your ankles. It would be very difficult to move ahead with ease and comfort. Too many of us spend our lives dragging around emotional baggage that doesn’t serve us well. You may need to talk to a counselor, confront someone or write a letter and then burn it. Acknowledge the pain and move on. It will set you free.
3. Wake up early. No matter how tired or busy you are, take at least five minutes in the morning before anyone else is awake to sit alone quietly. You may want to read something inspirational, meditate, pray, or take a walk outside to greet the new day. These few minutes will bring you peace of mind in a busy world.
4. Use your mental resources to achieve unbridled success. Read books on positive self-talk, daily affirmations and visualization. Talk to people who use these strategies to achieve their goals. Integrate them into your own daily routine. When you learn to discipline your mind, your life will completely change for the better.
5. Avoid spending time with energy drains and “naysayers.” People who complain and are negative will quickly deplete your energy and steal your joy. Limit your time with poisonous people. Surround yourself with positive people who will inspire and encourage you. Remember you can not change anyone else. You can only change yourself. Be the fountain, not the drain.
6. Take time to think and read. You probably use a calendar or electronic gadget to keep track of your projects, meetings and appointments. Schedule a small block of time each day to think and read. If you take five minutes a day to think and 15 minutes a day to read, these two activities can significantly enrich your life and mind.
7. Commit yourself to a life of learning. Turn off the television and radio and fill your mind with information and knowledge that can help you to be successful. If you drive a lot, listen to a motivational or educational CD. Read at least one book a month. Learn from some of the greats by reading biographies on Ghandi, Harry Truman, Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou and Bill Gates. Read magazine articles from successful people you’d like to emulate. Success leaves clues.
8. Make deposits in people’s emotional bank accounts. Take time to tell people that you care about them, share a compliment or simply a smile (yes even to strangers). It helps to create a small ripple of goodness in the universe. You set the stage for the person you helped to do the same for someone else. We’ll all be better for it. Pay it forward.
9. Quit criticizing, judging and complaining. These three habits destroy people and relationships. When you become aware of how you are behaving, that’s when changes can be made. Criticizing, judging and complaining are energy drains for yourself and everyone you encounter.
10. Fail forward. An experience is not a failure if you have learned from it and can apply it to your life. If something doesn’t succeed as you had hoped, when you are down on the ground, be sure to pick up a lesson or valuable insight. That’s called a stepping stone to success. If you learned something, you didn’t fail.
11. Keep a journal. You don’t have to be a good writer but a journal is a wonderful tool to record your feelings, thoughts and activities. It’s a great timeline for future reference. The good thing about journaling is that there are no rules. Some people write religiously every day, while others write a few times a month. Sometimes a journal is the place for a much-needed brain dump. Consider dedicating one section for your Gratitude Journal- reminding yourself each day of a few things that happened that you are grateful for.
12. Write down your goals. Keep a visual reminder of your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals. When we write things down, we activate our subconscious minds to move forward towards our target. Be sure to keep your list in a place that you can see it every day. It’s a great motivator.
13. Be in the moment. That means that wherever your feet are, your head is. In other words, stop the relentless mental soundtrack that plays 24/7 that distracts you from paying true attention to conversations and situations. By silencing your mind and pushing away mental interruptions, you will be more fully engaged in the present moment as life unfolds. Your relationships will thrive. Give people the gift of your attention.
14. Tell the truth. Honesty is based on the principle of integrity. Always tell the truth.
15. Expect good things to happen. When we anticipate good things, they usually happen. If you expect happiness, love and success, they will start showing up in your life. If you look for bad things, they will show up as well. It’s like ordering food in a restaurant. You generally get what you ask for. What we think about, we bring about.
16. Always do your best. Every day we are faced with hundreds of decisions including what to wear, which route to take to work, what to eat for lunch, whether to start a project or call a friend. In each moment, you must consider your options and do your best. Your best will vary. If you have a cold on Tuesday and didn’t have a good night’s sleep, your best will not be the same on Friday when you feel better and are well rested. Every day we have countless possibilities to do our best.
17. Nurture people who are near and dear to you. Let them know how you feel. Whether it’s a handwritten letter, an electronic greeting card, a phone call or a conversation over lunch, telling people how much you care about them and why, can have a wonderful impact on both of you. Tell them now.
18. Create a dreamboard. Use a poster board and cut out pictures of what your ideal life looks like. By making a collage of the images that you are striving for, your subconscious mind will kick into autopilot and start moving you forward. Think big and include pictures and phrases from magazines and travel brochures. You may want to include a family picture in the center. Have fun with your collage and be sure to look at it every day.
19. Avoid procrastination. When something needs to be done, get right to it. Putting it off will only cause stress and anxiety. You may not realize it, but something as minor as running an errand can fester in our minds and bodies. Actor Denzel Washington says that he and his wife have raised their four children with the rule “Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.”
20. Give freely to people. When you dedicate your life to the philosophy of “What can I give you?” without expecting anything in return, the entire universe will shift for the better. Focus on being of service to other people in every situation you encounter. Shift from being a “go-getter” and to a “go-giver.”
21. Understand the quality of charisma. Charisma is defined as appeal, charm, magnetism and allure. It’s a magical quality that most leaders possess. These are people who look like winners and act like winners. They tend to have big dreams and reach for them. People with charisma show kindness and empathy towards others. They are interested in the people they encounter, have a strong sense of humor and are known for their strength of character. Watch them and learn from them.
22. Laugh every day. Children laugh an average of 300-400 times a day. Adults laugh an average of 15-20 times a day. Where did our joy go? Remember those deep belly laughs when you laugh so hard, you’re literally in tears? We need those hearty bursts of laughter that emanate from our souls. Find something to laugh about every day.
23. Live a healthy life. Be aware of the implications of your diet, nutrition and exercise. Avoid foods with sugar and white flour as they are the addictive drugs of the food chain. Avoid eating heavy meals, especially at night. Stay away from excess, including drugs and alcohol. Exercising and drinking water will help your body to function in new and improved ways. When food shopping, read the labels and know the ingredients. When dining out, ask for your meal to be prepared the way you want it. Take vitamins. Protect your body.
24. Be punctual, or early. Do your best to arrive at least 5-10 minutes early for appointments. When you are early for meetings and appointments, you are considerate of other people’s time. It also helps you to walk in without being frazzled, annoyed or stressed.
25. Be accountable for yourself. Do not blame other people. Take full responsibility for your actions and words. It’s a sign of maturity.
The Power of Silence in Communication
The Power of Silence is extraordinary. Yet so many people are afraid to use it. People are uncomfortable and nervous with silence because we are so accustomed to filling every space with words. Most of the time when we feel obligated to fill silence and keep speaking, we are polluting the air with meaningless chatter that doesn’t add much to the conversation. I teach this in my media training classes and in programs on resolving workplace conflicts, Emotional Intelligence for College Students and sales.
Consider how powerful silence can be. Certain people know how to leverage silence. Great speakers and accomplished actors use their eloquent words as melodically as they slip in their cleverly placed pauses and silence. They carefully bring you into their moment and you become enveloped in their language, movements, stories and emotions. You’re mesmerized and hooked.
Strong communicators who are keenly astute about interpersonal relationships and leadership excel in their use of silence.
At work, sales professionals aren’t the only ones who must understand a carefully placed pause. When they throw down the gauntlet to a prospect and ask the loaded question, “Are you ready to sign the contract?,” nervous overspeaking will almost always kill the deal. When you ask your boss for a raise or promotion, simply stop and allow silence into your conversation. When you ask your partner if he/she loves you…well you get the picture.
U.S. actor, author, & humorist Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) said, “Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
Silence is often more powerful than words.
Success Tips from Happy People
According to a new study by the University of Maryland, unhappy people watch 20% more television than those who describe themselves as happy people. The study revealed that people who considered themselves to be happy take part in two activities: reading and socializing.
Reading and socializing are imperative to growth. When we read, we take a journey into an experience outside of ourselves. We tap into the intellectual capital of others. We gain new perspectives, insights and wisdom. Adventures lead to growth and curiosity. Happy people like to socialize because this also takes us on a journey into someone else’s world. When we interact with others, in networking or social situations, we make small talk. Hopefully we listen. We learn about someone else’s experiences and views.
Take time to grow your mind and attitude by reading, socializing and cultivating happiness. Individuals who are happy tune out the negative messages from the media and people around them. They wear blinders. They have a positive attitude and understand the value of filtering out poisonous messages that don’t serve them well.
Keith Harrell wrote in his book Attitude is Everything, “For true happiness, it’s best to look within yourself rather than rely on others or the world around you. The root of happiness is joy, and joy lives within you.”
