Living with Emotional Intelligence
Ninety percent of people are fired from their jobs because of attitudinal or relationship problems. Only ten percent lose their jobs due to lack of skill or ability. That’s according to a survey by U.S. News & World Report. A huge part of our success is based on our attitudes, communication and mindsets.
Regardless of your education or SAT scores, your IQ can not be changed. The number you were born with will stay with you for life. IQ measures spatial and cognitive reasoning and is mathematically-based. It can help you in solving right angle problems and theorems but will not help you in resolving a breakdown in communication while planning a team retreat, budget meeting or website overhaul. While education is important, it doesn’t ensure that you have adequate communication skills to connect with others and be successful in the workplace.
Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) is what I call “street smarts”. EQ is a huge factor in interpersonal relationships, communication and conflict resolution, both at work and at home. Individuals with high levels of EQ have compassion, empathy, congeniality, patience, assertiveness and self-awareness. The good news is that EQ traits can be developed. EQ often comes to us through life’s experiences.
Here are 3 Tips to Improving Your Emotional Intelligence:
1. Start watching people. Identify a few people who you admire for their empathy, self-confidence and assertive communication. Observe how they interact with others. Be aware of how people with strong EQ’s handle difficult individuals and situations. Those with high EQ tend to bring people together and not divide them. They are able to articulate and convey their opinions, recommendations, feelings and thoughts in a confident and calm way that is considerate and respectful to everyone. They don’t blame others. They take full responsibility for their actions and behavior.
2. Develop assertive communication skills. People with high levels of EQ understand that every spoken sentence does not require an answer. They don’t react and they definitely don’t over-react. Silence may initially feel awkward but silence in conversations and in conflicts can be extremely powerful. By asking good questions and truly listening, you will show others that you genuinely care about them and are empathetic. Practice with the approach of less talking and more listening.
3. Validate the other person’s feelings. Avoid shifting the focus of the conversation. It’s important to allow others to express themselves without judging, criticizing or interrupting. If a co-worker complains to you that their items in the budget were cut, allow them to vent for a few minutes. Don’t spend too much time talking about how you felt when you fell victim to a budget crunch at your old job. Even if you have never experienced the swinging budget ax, you can still be compassionate and listen. You don’t have to fall out of a window to know it hurts.
Awareness is critical. Be brutally honest with yourself. Think about how you behave, react, and respond in stressful situations and conflicts. Your verbal and nonverbal communication is critical in EQ. Understand the “triggers” that can potentially set you off. Who pushes your buttons? Where can you make improvements?
Management and business guru Jim Rohn said, “Work on your career and you’ll make a living. Work on yourself and you’ll make a fortune.”
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