Bridging Communication Gaps with NLP
One of the greatest and most exciting discoveries in business, communication and psychology in the past 30 years has been Neurolinguistic Programming. NLP was developed in the 1970’s at the University of Santa Cruz in California. The founders of NLP, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, began discussing how some people are able to “get through to difficult people, and others can’t.” That’s how NLP was born.
It examines the relationships between thought, communication, and behavior. This methodology is used by top business leaders, politicians and athletes around the world. There are connections with Emotional Intelligence, but NLP goes beyond EQ (empathy, compassion, assertive communication and self-awareness).
NLP focuses on four key areas: rapport, sensory awareness (modalities), outcome thinking and behavioral flexibility. NLP teaches us how to bridge communication gaps, looking for similarities rather than differences. It helps us to become aware of how others understand and process information so we can communicate with them more effectively. It includes the secrets of nonverbal communication, influence and trust-building, limiting self-talk and modeling human behavior. It’s fascinating.
The core of NLP is based on our sensory modalities. If we listen carefully when others speak, they will drop cues and clues as to which modality they prefer. The three main modalities are:
• Visual – Most people are visual. They learn by seeing. They need to actually see how something is done in order to comprehend it. They use expressions like “I see”, “I get the picture” and “That’s crystal clear to me.”
• Auditory – Others learn by hearing. They can hear something explained once or twice and have a full understanding of the subject. Auditory people tend to use phrases like “That’s music to my ears”, “That sounds good to me” and “That rings a bell.”
• Kinesthetic – These folks learn best through touch and feel. Artists and creative people are usually kinesthetic. They may say things like “I get the point”, “I can embrace that idea” and “I have a bad feeling about that.”
If you tend to be more visual and you are disagreeing with someone who is an auditory person, it’s as if you are speaking Spanish and they are speaking French. It’s extremely difficult to communicate. When you identify someone else’s prime modality, you can use it to bridge the gap, build rapport and engage them. The outcome will be quite different than if you were butting heads and feeling frustrated.
Take time to learn more about Neurolinguistic Programming and how it can be used in all areas of your life. Having this skill set can enrich your relationships.
On Listening, Communicating & Multi-Tasking
I recently had the honor and opportunity to interview Emmy-award winning journalist Linda Ellerbee. She’s a former TV network news anchor, the host of the acclaimed “Nick News” on Nickelodeon, a breast cancer survivor and really neat lady. I talked with her about listening and communication skills.
Here’s an excerpt from our conversation.We were chatting about distractions that typically interfere with effective communication. Enter: Multi-tasking.
According to Ellerbee, “Everyone today gets praised for multi-tasking. I hate multi-tasking. I hate the idea that I am suppose to be on-line, on my laptop, with the TV on and doing all of these things at once. I think we are far better, and I’m not particularly good at it I don’t think, I’m far better at concentrating on one thing intensely and then switching to something else. Multi-tasking just does not suit me. I don’t know why we consider it to be such an attribute. Someone who is doing ten things at once is not doing all ten of them well. Usually the one that is getting lost is listening to what any one else around you is saying.”
We trick ourselves into believing we are super-talented and productive but in reality, scientists say our brains are capable of effectively managing only one task at a time. What a concept.
Huge PR Window for You To Get Publicity
News tends to come to a screeching halt over the summer. State legislative sessions have ended, school is out, people are on vacations and the lazy, hazy days of summer prevail. This is an ideal time to develop and pitch stories. Even though business and government may be slower than usual, newspapers are still being printed and TV and radio stations still have on-air programming spots to fill.
You can help.
After spending 10 years in a busy radio newsroom, the summer months always had the same stories. Gas prices, family vacations, sunburn, barbecues, fireworks, pool safety, ideal bathing suits for not-so-ideal bodies, heat waves, and on and on. Do they sound familiar?
Consider this. Many stories that may seem weak or tough to pitch during a busy news cycle can easily grab the attention of a reporter during the slower holiday news cycle. July 4th weekend is upon us, and Labor Day is just around the corner.
Here are 3 quick and easy tips for getting coverage and publicity during long weekends:
1. Look at the calendar. This year, July 4th falls on a Saturday. If you send out your press release or pitch by Wednesday, July 1, the reporters can use it anytime between July 1 and July 7. The media is open 24/7. Your sleeper story on a busy news day could be a big headline over the extended weekend.
2. Keep it undated. If you have an “evergreen story” with no real date attached to it, that’s ideal for coverage over a long weekend and in slow news cycles.
3. Get creative! Stay away from the typical seasonal stories that reporters cover (listed above). Hard news and business stories are ideal for these time periods. Cause-related marketing is another good opportunity to shine. For example, most groups hustle for holiday food drives around Thanksgiving yet there are plenty of hungry people in July. Why not launch a food drive with your local United Way or soup kitchen? How about a summer mentoring program with local kids who can connect with businesses or volunteer programs? Human interest stories are always fun this time of year too. If you like to surf or go kayaking, invite a brave reporter to come along for a first time adventure.
Take advantage of this window of opportunity by planning ahead and getting creative. The reporters will appreciate your efforts and you can build critical relationships with them for future pitching and coverage.
Living with Emotional Intelligence
Ninety percent of people are fired from their jobs because of attitudinal or relationship problems. Only ten percent lose their jobs due to lack of skill or ability. That’s according to a survey by U.S. News & World Report. A huge part of our success is based on our attitudes, communication and mindsets.
Regardless of your education or SAT scores, your IQ can not be changed. The number you were born with will stay with you for life. IQ measures spatial and cognitive reasoning and is mathematically-based. It can help you in solving right angle problems and theorems but will not help you in resolving a breakdown in communication while planning a team retreat, budget meeting or website overhaul. While education is important, it doesn’t ensure that you have adequate communication skills to connect with others and be successful in the workplace.
Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) is what I call “street smarts”. EQ is a huge factor in interpersonal relationships, communication and conflict resolution, both at work and at home. Individuals with high levels of EQ have compassion, empathy, congeniality, patience, assertiveness and self-awareness. The good news is that EQ traits can be developed. EQ often comes to us through life’s experiences.
Here are 3 Tips to Improving Your Emotional Intelligence:
1. Start watching people. Identify a few people who you admire for their empathy, self-confidence and assertive communication. Observe how they interact with others. Be aware of how people with strong EQ’s handle difficult individuals and situations. Those with high EQ tend to bring people together and not divide them. They are able to articulate and convey their opinions, recommendations, feelings and thoughts in a confident and calm way that is considerate and respectful to everyone. They don’t blame others. They take full responsibility for their actions and behavior.
2. Develop assertive communication skills. People with high levels of EQ understand that every spoken sentence does not require an answer. They don’t react and they definitely don’t over-react. Silence may initially feel awkward but silence in conversations and in conflicts can be extremely powerful. By asking good questions and truly listening, you will show others that you genuinely care about them and are empathetic. Practice with the approach of less talking and more listening.
3. Validate the other person’s feelings. Avoid shifting the focus of the conversation. It’s important to allow others to express themselves without judging, criticizing or interrupting. If a co-worker complains to you that their items in the budget were cut, allow them to vent for a few minutes. Don’t spend too much time talking about how you felt when you fell victim to a budget crunch at your old job. Even if you have never experienced the swinging budget ax, you can still be compassionate and listen. You don’t have to fall out of a window to know it hurts.
Awareness is critical. Be brutally honest with yourself. Think about how you behave, react, and respond in stressful situations and conflicts. Your verbal and nonverbal communication is critical in EQ. Understand the “triggers” that can potentially set you off. Who pushes your buttons? Where can you make improvements?
Management and business guru Jim Rohn said, “Work on your career and you’ll make a living. Work on yourself and you’ll make a fortune.”
