Specializing in social marketing and business communications training

5 communication quotes from ‘the mother of media psychology,’ Dr. Joyce Brothers

PBDJOBR EC017She has been dubbed “the mother of media psychology.”   

Dr. Joyce Brothers, a licensed psychologist who passed away on Monday, has been described by CNN as having “a reassuring and calming demeanor” that boosted her self-titled local talk show to syndication in the 1960s.

Dr. Brothers’ affable personality and willingness to talk about taboo subjects such as marriage, relationships, and families made her a household name for decades. Remember, this was a time when married couples on TV were sleeping in separate beds. The word ‘pregnant’ wasn’t uttered on television, either. 

According to NBC News, “Her television show would soon make her a pop culture fixture. She made nearly 100 appearances on Johnny Carson’s The Tonight Show. Her frequent public appearances propelled her to become one of the most admired women in America, appearing on Gallup’s list of most admired American women.”

Here are five insights on communication and media from Dr. Joyce Brothers:

  1. “There is such a thing as bad publicity.”
  2. Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”
  3. “If Shakespeare had to go on an author tour to promote Romeo and Juliet, he never would have written Macbeth.”
  4. “Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words.”
  5. “I invented media psychology. I was the first. The founding mother.” (1989)

Years ago, not everyone jumped on the media psychologist bandwagon.

“Dispensing advice on public airwaves didn’t please all of her colleagues,” reports CNN. “Some members of the American Psychological Association asked early in her media career that her membership be revoked because they didn’t think dispensing advice outside a one-on-one setting was appropriate.” However, the APA’s website says that media psychology became part of the organization’s structure in 1986.

Admittedly, I’m a bit troubled thinking that this wonderful talent paved the way for today’s sensationalist personalities like Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew Pinsky. 

But as we recall Dr. Brothers’ intelligence and accomplishments, we also note that she was fun. In the 1950s, Dr. Brothers was a TV game show contestant, winning more than $134,000 in prize money.  She made several cameo appearances in movies, including a parody in The Naked Gun. On the small screen, she was featured on Happy Days, The Simpsons, and Entourage.

Rest in peace, Dr. Joyce Brothers. You were a gifted media pioneer with talents that stretched across print, radio, television, and movies.

 

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10 communication things every entrepreneur must know

guitar in bar in CCIt’s been 4,745 days of being self-employed.  In April, 2001, I started my PR and communications company.   

A few years ago, my accountant, who is also self-employed, shared his definition of an entrepreneur:

“I am a self-employed individual working for a lunatic.”

As I mark this proud milestone, I have taken time to reflect on the entrepreneurial roller coaster I have ridden.

Here are 10 communication tactics every small business owner must know:

1. You must know how to sell. Too many people decide to hang their shingle out only to learn they don’t know bubkus about sales. Entrepreneurs must be diligent at developing the self-confidence, attitude,   discipline, and perseverance to ask people to hand over their hard-earned money.

 2. You must live the ‘publish or perish’ mentality. In my pre-blogging days, I wrote bylined articles for trade publications and membership newsletters. Early on, I landed a spot as a columnist for the Princeton (NJ) Business Journal. I generated content and built my credibility. My volunteer gig lasted more than two years, and ended when the paper merged with another publication.   

 3. You must be willing to speak in public. You were brave enough to launch a small business. There’s no time for being shy or nervous. Partner with a networking group to be the guest expert at a meeting, conference, or webinar. You’ll be front and center with dozens of potential prospects interested in your topic. Beats cold-calling.  

 4. You must be able to validate others.  Validation is an acknowledgement that the other person (your prospect or client) is being heard. Validation is proof that you are listening. For example:  “I can imagine that the loss of your vendor has been difficult.”  

 5. You must know how to ask for what you need.  No one expects you to know everything. That’s why there are contact lists, databases, and rolodexes filled with names of people who can provide products and services to you. Get rid of this self-induced pressure and be willing to speak up. Asking for help is a sign of a true leader.

 6. You must be able to identify your ideal customers. This is accomplished by self-communication. Ask yourself: Who do I enjoy working with? What niche am I passionate about? Who needs my expertise? Do these people have the budget or resources to pay me?

 7. You must have thick skin. People can be awfully mean. They say crap that’s not helpful or positive. Entrepreneurs are so fully vested in their own businesses that it’s hard not to take things personally. Don’t take the BS to heart.

8. You must communicate patience when educating people. Clients do business with you because you offer a valuable product or service that they want or need.  You, on the other hand, are entrenched in your niche or business and will have to slow down to educate those who don’t know all the ins and outs like you do.

 9. You must develop charisma. Charisma is that special charm or personality trait that draws people to you. Self-confidence, along with a friendly and easy demeanor, will take you a long way in business.

 10. You must be willing to reinvent yourself. Chances are you are planning to be self-employed for a long time. Businesses and people change. It’s a given. How can you effectively communicate changes in your messages and direction, without alienating people?

Cheers to the brave small business owners around the world! What have you learned along the journey?

7 communication gems from the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher

Margaret ThatcherLong before the Iron Chef was the buzz, the world had the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher.

The first woman to serve as prime minister of Great Britain passed away today after suffering a stroke.

Margaret Thatcher is being remembered around the world as a pioneer for women and politics. Some have called Lady Thatcher divisive and influential, noting her communication style and leadership. 

The Guardian, a London Daily, described the 87-year-old as “the most dominant British prime minister since Winston Churchill in 1940 and a global champion of the late 20th century free market economic revival.” 

Thatcher, a conservative and close ally of President Ronald Reagan, served from 1979 until 1990. She was the longest-serving prime minister of the postwar era.

Here are seven quotes that capture the essence of Mrs. Thatcher’s philosophy, values, and communication.  

1. “Of course, it is the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.”

2. “In politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” 

3. “You don’t tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive.”

4. “If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time and you would achieve nothing.”  — May 3, 1989, commenting on her 10th anniversary as prime minister.

5. “To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catchphrase, the U-turn, I have only one thing to say: You turn if you want to. The lady’s not for turning.”  —At a Conservative Party conference, 1980

6. “I don’t mind how much my minister’s talk, as long as they do what I say.”

7. “Any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be nearer to understanding the problems of running a country.” —1979

Finally, actress Meryl Steep who portrayed Margaret Thatcher in the Oscar-winning movie, The Iron Lady, said today: “She was a figure of awe for her personal strength and grit.”

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The 10 best things to do to supercharge your career

BBQ pit at Salt Lick

 

 

 

 

 

These are rhetorical questions: Are you looking for some excitement? Are you caught up in a bland routine at work?

If things are a bit mundane, consider these 10 points:  

  1. Go away. I’m not talking about a vacation, simply take a day off and bring your journal to a place that’s at least six miles away from your home or office. A change of scenery does wonders. Plan a get-away once a quarter, especially when you’re stressed.
  2. Keep your promises. The most important promises are the ones we make to ourselves. If you have vowed to take a class, get a certification, or revise your résumé, get going! Feeling stuck is a real drag.
  3. Read often. Learn from the great ones like Gandhi, Harry Truman, Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, and Steve Jobs. Read their biographies and autobiographies. If you’re pressed for time—and who isn’t? —read magazine articles about successful people you’d like to emulate. Consider these people your mentors.  
  4. Train yourself to think fast. When the power at the Super Bowl was zapped, the biggest buzz was not about the game and electricity as it was about dunking Oreo cookies in the dark. Nabisco makes Oreos, and it was Nabisco, Walgreens, and Tide that immediately jumped onto Twitter with snappy marketing nuggets. Not only did employees think fast, they took immediate action and created quite a buzz. This leads me to No. 5…
  5. Avoid procrastination. When something needs to be done, get right to it. Putting it off will only cause stress and anxiety. Actor Denzel Washington says that he and his wife have raised their four children with this rule: “Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.”
  6. Be accountable for yourself. Do not blame other people. Take full responsibility for your actions and words.
  7. Always do your best. This is one of the points that author Don Miguel Ruiz shared in his book, The Four Agreements.  Every day we are faced with a plethora of choices. Many decisions we make aren’t in our own best interest. I’ll call my client tomorrow. I’ll just throw together this report. The key is that your best will vary. If you have a cold on Tuesday, your best will not be the same on Friday when you’re feeling better. Don’t compare; just do your best in each and every moment.  
  8. Focus on tech. Commit to learning two or three new tech tools each month. Consider what’s hot in your field and what your competitors are utilizing. You may decide after toying around with a new program or platform that it’s not for you. And that is OK.   
  9. Quit criticizing, judging, and complaining. These three habits destroy people and relationships. They drain our energy and interfere with our potential and achievements. Be aware of how you behave.  
  10. Expect good things to happen. When we anticipate good things, they usually happen. If you expect happiness, love and success, they will begin showing up in your life. If you focus on the negative, these will show up as well. It’s like ordering food in a restaurant. You generally get what you ask for.  If you don’t like what you’re getting in life, send it back. Be clear about what you want.

Which of these can you begin right away? Share your successes below!

8 classic quotes from New York Mayor Ed Koch

kochThe beloved former Mayor of New York City, Ed Koch passed away early today.

He may be gone, but he leaves behind a trove of sound bites and quotes for us to enjoy. 

Koch was a three-term mayor in New York (1978-1989), a time defined by near financial ruin, government corruption, and AIDS. He was an author and activist. He even appeared on The People’s Court.

A man who often asked people, ”How’m I doin’?,”  Koch has been described as acid-tongued, feisty, and pretentious. He was an iconic New Yorker. 

I remember Ed Koch’s press conferences and interviews being laced with ‘ah’s’ and ‘ums’. These are the cardinal sins of Toastmasters and professional speakers.

But for Ed Koch, his vocal habits weren’t sinful. They defined him as being real. Mayor Koch spoke his mind. There was nothing tricky about him. Koch’s press conferences showed him without a jacket, sporting a wrinkled shirt, and rolled-up sleeves. Watch out.

Maybe you followed him on Twitter @Mayoredkoch

Here are some classics to shed light on how Mayor Koch communicated and lived:  

1. “I know many writers who first dictate passages, then polish what they have dictated. I speak, then I polish. Occasionally I do windows.”

 2. “You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it’s good for one’s self-respect to be a punching bag.”

3. “Tone can be as important as text.”

4. His advice to young people: “Enjoy what you’re doing or don’t do it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult or won’t challenge you, but if you are involved in something that’s causing you to say, ‘Why am I doing this?’ then you’re in the wrong business.”

5. The Mayor, who had never married, was asked by reporters about his sexuality. His response: ”My answer to questions on this subject is simply, ‘F— off.’ There have to be some private matters left.”

6. Koch’s spokesman George Arzt remembered Hizzoner’s sense of humor. “I got into the car and said I couldn’t believe how a kid who grew up in Williamsburg was now sitting next to the mayor. Then the mayor said: “Oh shut, up. Everybody comes from somewhere.”

7. In one of his last interviews, Koch told Vanity Fair Magazine: “At age 88, I wake up every morning and say to myself, ‘Well, I’m still in New York. Thank you, God.’”  

8. In 1983, Mayor Koch bought a burial plot at the Trinity Church Cemetery. It was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had space. Koch, who was Jewish, told the Associated Press: ”I don’t want to leave Manhattan, even when I’m gone. This is my home. The thought of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me.” Soon after he purchased the burial plot, Mayor Koch had an engraved marker placed at the site. It has the last words of slain journalist Daniel Pearl: ”"My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.”

 Rest in peace, Mayor Koch. 

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The business of improving leadership and communication

WallyHow horrified were you these past few weeks as members of Congress huddled in cliques to avoid their self-imposed ‘fiscal cliff’? 

One thing I noticed about our elected officials: No one was wearing a shirt that states, “Plays nice with others.”

That’s because they don’t play nice. Their communication skills, manners, leadership, and basic common sense stand to be scrutinized. A frustrated electorate watched in disgust as our busy and ineffective representatives who have taken an oath of serving the public managed to give themselves pay raises. The days were passing, the media pundits were yapping, the fiscal cliff was looming, and suddenly all the clocks on Capitol Hill had stopped.

Where was the trainer who was supposed to provide a presentation on time management? Didn’t Congress get the memo? How could such an important issue have been pushed off to the last few hours of 2012?   

This is not about political parties. This post is about the core of communication and leadership. It’s about a political system that needs to be run like a business.   

The definition of scary

Existing in the imaginary world of the Beltway has clearly taken a toll on the players and processes. There are many politicians who have had brilliant business experiences outside of DC. Until our government can begin to operate like a business, and not an inefficient, bloated bureaucracy stuffed with people masquerading as leaders, the American people are screwed.  Are these public servants really serving us? Or are they too caught up in their own egos, power struggles, and hidden agendas? 

Could a business treat its customers like this and be successful? No way.

Back to basics

I’ve been writing extensively about interpersonal communication and leadership. My new book, The Badass Book of Social Media and Business Communication offers numerous sections that can serve as a primer for our politicians.

Let’s look at a few key areas in which our representatives, including President Obama, have failed miserably. And let us understand that if our elected officials pulled any of this nonsense in private business, they would be unemployed.  If the government could get out of its own way and operate on basic business values, we would all be better off.

Interpersonal skills: Getting stuck in problems is not an option. Strong leaders envision positive and amicable outcomes before the negotiations begin. They are adept at finding similarities instead of focusing on differences. They are masters at conflict resolution.

Time management: True leaders plan their work and don’t scramble at the 11th hour to reach an agreement or resolve an important issue. Cramming may work for college students but has no place in business. Leaders also don’t get backed into a corner of “we’re on holiday break.” They understand the importance of the task at hand and work until it’s completed. No exceptions. No excuses. I have to believe Congress and President Obama knew that Christmas and New Year’s were on the calendar.   

Communicating with empathy:  The Arbinger Institute is a global business leadership and training company. They describe people with poor communication skills as “in the box.” These folks are isolated and treat others as objects, not as human beings with feelings and emotions. Leaders who are “inside the box” behave as if they are better than others. They lack emotional intelligence.

When people are “outside the box”, they show compassion and care for their fellow humans. If two people in a conversation are both “in the box”, there’s little room for progress, negotiation, and positive outcomes. The following example in Arbinger’s Leadership and Self-Deception will resonate with you:  

You’re sitting on a crowded bus and the seat next to you is empty. Do you put your bag on it and hide behind your newspaper hoping no one will squeeze in? We’ve all been on both sides of this situation—the one who is seated and “in the box”, and the stressed passenger desperately searching for a place to sit down. If the seated passenger was “out the box”, he would make eye contact and smile at someone, silently sending a welcome signal to take the open seat.

The 113th Congressional session is underway.  “Business as usual” on Capitol Hill is a frightening thought.

 

The most important second

sheet music“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”—Spanish Proverb

Much has been written about time and procrastination. We often don’t realize how precious time is until faced with a crisis, usually related to our health or mortality. 

We spend obscene amounts of time watching mindless reality shows and TV. We dwell on our past mistakes and worry about future problems. We read books and attend presentations on time management and productivity. We fool ourselves.

And here we are on New Year’s Eve when everyone is keenly aware of the time. Social channels are filled with posts and stories assessing the past 12 months, and predicting trends for the next 12 months.

We stay up until midnight, count down the seconds, and watch festivities on TV. We kiss our loved ones.

That one second seems so important, and then it’s gone. In that split second of the clock striking 12, the calendar page turns and…here we are.

What’s really changed?

Most of us go back to the same patterns and habits that frustrated us last year. We fail to take on new challenges and opportunities to learn, grow, and change. We’re stuck in a comfort zone of mediocrity. Our fears and paralyzing beliefs have joined us in the New Year. Damn.  

We don’t need a clock or resolution to become better people and discover our gifts and talents. We simply need to decide that it’s time.  We can decide in February, July, or September. Don’t procrastinate on living your life with purpose and soul. 

The Bottom Line: The most important second is not on New Year’s Eve. It’s right now. 

Happy New Year!

 

 

4 reasons text messages are killing our communication

Twenty years ago today, the first text message was sent. My, how the 160-character Short Message Service (SMS) has rocked our communication.

Yes, there is a convenience to being able to access your peeps in a flash. I can’t count the number of times I’ve sent or received texts in the grocery store about items missing from the shopping list. Very important.

But communicators and parents alike know that the art and science of texting is impacting our social and education systems in ways that could never have been imagined.

Think about these four reasons text messages are killing our communication:

1. Reduce the need for in-depth conversations. Have you texted people as a form of avoidance? A few abbreviated words keep people from meaningful dialogues and face-to-face communication. This also diminishes the importance of body language in our communication. :( (

2. Dumb down spelling and grammar. ‘Txtspk’ leads to deficiencies in basic language skills. Shortcuts with spelling, punctuation, and emoticons aren’t helping children and teenagers learn the necessary writing and communication skills they need for college and the workforce. Are these convenient shortcuts, acronyms, and abbreviations giving way to generations of lazy and sloppy communicators? (Gr8)

3. Distract us from being fully present. Earlier this year, the industry association representing wireless communications (CTIA) reported that more than 184 billion text messages were sent a month in the U.S. These messages interrupt our brain functions and attention. Texting pulls our focus away from the people and tasks we are experiencing at the moment, depriving us of being completely present in our lives. (IRL=In Real Life)

4. Invite ambiguity. Joel Willans writes on Nokia.com: “The format of 160 characters was determined in 1993 by a communications researcher, Friedham Hillebrand. While trying to standardize the technology that would allow cell phones to transmit and display messages, he discovered that the average sentence or question needed just 160 characters.” This leaves too many opportunities to mistakenly read between the lines. (SWYP=So What’s Your Problem)

Thx 4 readng. Comment b-low.

Really, Katie Couric: Now you want to talk about your eating disorder?

She’s been a mouthpiece for hard and soft news stories for decades. She’s interviewed hundreds if not thousands of doctors, mental health professionals, celebrities and models. She has two daughters and comes from a family of four sisters. 

Yes, Katie Couric endured the tragic loss of her 44-year-old husband to colon cancer. To educate people about the disease and prevention, she had a colonoscopy that was streamed live on the Internet. She’s had mammograms that were broadcast to the world as well.

Talk is cheap

I sit here with mixed feelings as to why Couric decided now would be a good time to reveal that she had suffered from bulimia. Is it because her new talk show needed some excitement and viewers? If so, Couric’s intention is beyond pathetic. 

When someone like Couric—with the power of the microphone and camera—has an opportunity to be genuine and help even one of the million Americans affected by bulimia and other eating disorders—why would she close her mouth? 

Most people with eating disorders are young, pre-teen girls. People die from eating disorders all the time, yet few people acknowledge how serious this diagnosis can be. 

When I think of the number of people struggling with this disease (including in my own family), I wonder in disgust who could have been helped or inspired had Couric only come clean.  

The real star

Couric reveals her bulimia “secret” on-the-air to singer Demi Lovato, a 20-something-year-old who has the guts and courage to bring her own very personal story public.

Lovato has been open about her demons and battle with an eating disorder, depression, and drugs. She’s been willing to record public service announcements and talk with teens about her struggles, recovery, and how the media and society unfairly put pressure on girls about their weight, clothing, and social lives. In keeping quiet, Katie Couric has opted to pour gasoline on the fire. How could she?     

Today’s revelation by Couric is a disgrace. Sure, she’s entitled to her privacy and has no obligation to share everything in her past. But how dare she interview people like Kate Middleton and others and comment during the interviews about their weight and appearance.   

The power to help—or not

Several months ago, I watched Piers Morgan interview Janet Jackson. She spoke at length about her “pudgy childhood”, lack of self-esteem, poor body image and obsession with exercise. She never once used the phrase “eating disorder.” Instead Jackson said she has long had an unhealthy relationship with food.

Janet Jackson managed to dance around the real issue. And now we learn that the cat seems to have had Katie Couric’s tongue for three decades. 

It’s disingenuous at best that Couric is now talking about her illness. 

Celebrities who have the courage to share their personal stories are the ones worth listening to.

Can someone please pull the plug on Katie Couric’s microphone?  

 

Musings from a new 50-year-old

Today’s my “big birthday.” 5-0.

I won’t reflect on ”Where did the time go?” 

I won’t say 50 is the new 30. Gravity tells me otherwise.

I will say that this past week I have become remarkably indifferent about this birthday.

I was going to write a post such as, “50 things PR has taught me.” Or, ”50 snappy lessons from a 50-year-old.” Blah, blah, blah.

Instead, let’s go back 25 years. It’s 1987. On my 25th birthday, I sat in the den in the house I grew up in and talked with my mom. 

When she expressed shock that I was 25 (and she wasn’t), I responded that I hadn’t accomplished much in 25 years. But of course, a mother’s wisdom emerged with this gem: 

“You’ve been in school for most of your 25 years. It’s the next 25 years that will be more telling. G-dwilling, we should revisit this conversation when you’re 50. Then if you say that you haven’t done much, that’s a different story.”  

Good point.

Today, I’m blessed that my parents are still with me and have seen my accomplishments these past 25 years. Naturally, they have been there for the rough patches, too. Which leads me to being grateful for my own two children, my husband, Andrew, my sisters, brother-in-law and their families. Throw in a big extended family, too. 

As a 50-year-old, I will share this with you: 

  • I checked the mirror this morning to make certain I didn’t wake up with a moustache. Mood swings: Stay tuned. 
  • I have stopped short of cutting my hair like Jamie Lee Curtis. 
  • I still get a peculiar look on my face when I look in the garage at my 2012 Hyundai Elantra. It’s a far cry from my first car, a 1981 Chevy Camaro. 

 

It’s been a hell of a run these past 25 years.

Big plans for me? Not so much. I won’t be spending time trying to figure out what the next two decades may bring.  

Instead, I’ll be busy taking a few deep breaths and enjoying the blessings of the moment.

Every day should be celebrated like this. It’s all I’ve got.