Specializing in social marketing and business communications training

5 communication quotes from ‘the mother of media psychology,’ Dr. Joyce Brothers

PBDJOBR EC017She has been dubbed “the mother of media psychology.”   

Dr. Joyce Brothers, a licensed psychologist who passed away on Monday, has been described by CNN as having “a reassuring and calming demeanor” that boosted her self-titled local talk show to syndication in the 1960s.

Dr. Brothers’ affable personality and willingness to talk about taboo subjects such as marriage, relationships, and families made her a household name for decades. Remember, this was a time when married couples on TV were sleeping in separate beds. The word ‘pregnant’ wasn’t uttered on television, either. 

According to NBC News, “Her television show would soon make her a pop culture fixture. She made nearly 100 appearances on Johnny Carson’s The Tonight Show. Her frequent public appearances propelled her to become one of the most admired women in America, appearing on Gallup’s list of most admired American women.”

Here are five insights on communication and media from Dr. Joyce Brothers:

  1. “There is such a thing as bad publicity.”
  2. Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”
  3. “If Shakespeare had to go on an author tour to promote Romeo and Juliet, he never would have written Macbeth.”
  4. “Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words.”
  5. “I invented media psychology. I was the first. The founding mother.” (1989)

Years ago, not everyone jumped on the media psychologist bandwagon.

“Dispensing advice on public airwaves didn’t please all of her colleagues,” reports CNN. “Some members of the American Psychological Association asked early in her media career that her membership be revoked because they didn’t think dispensing advice outside a one-on-one setting was appropriate.” However, the APA’s website says that media psychology became part of the organization’s structure in 1986.

Admittedly, I’m a bit troubled thinking that this wonderful talent paved the way for today’s sensationalist personalities like Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew Pinsky. 

But as we recall Dr. Brothers’ intelligence and accomplishments, we also note that she was fun. In the 1950s, Dr. Brothers was a TV game show contestant, winning more than $134,000 in prize money.  She made several cameo appearances in movies, including a parody in The Naked Gun. On the small screen, she was featured on Happy Days, The Simpsons, and Entourage.

Rest in peace, Dr. Joyce Brothers. You were a gifted media pioneer with talents that stretched across print, radio, television, and movies.

 

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Secrets to pitching major news media

safe dialHow do you gain trust and influence with reporters at big time news outlets?

Joe Connolly receives hundreds of pitches and press releases every week. He’s The Wall Street Journal Business Correspondent for CBS Radio in New York.

Like Connolly, I have been on the receiving end of pitches from businesses, government agencies, and nonprofits. Some days you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

In a recent interview, I asked Connolly to share some dos and don’ts when pitching stories. For example, Connolly admits he has a hang-up with the word ‘announce.’

“If the release says ‘so-and-so is pleased to announce,’ I don’t read any further. I don’t want self-serving. The headline and lead have got to ring true.”

The secret sauce

You may be surprised, but Connolly suggests that anyone writing a news release start two-to-three months in advance. “Follow your local paper, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, television and radio until you see or hear something about your industry. Look for things that you think are really good, really on the mark, and really accurate.  Then call or e-mail that reporter saying you saw the article or interview. Tell them, ‘I’m exactly like XXXX, you might be interested to know we are also doing such and such…’”

Connolly goes on to remind us about the importance of complimenting reporters. “They are just like anybody else. They want to get positive feedback and they’ll think, ‘Wow, this is a really sharp person.’  A lot of my frequent contacts are people who reached out to me because they heard me talking about something that rang a bell in their industry.”

The best opening line for a phone pitch 

Like so many other reporters, Connolly’s pet peeve when getting pitched on the phone is in the opening line. “If I answer the phone, don’t ask me how I am.  Just say, ‘Hi Joe, this is xx from X Company, are you on deadline?’ That’s the best opening line of all. I just think that’s the greatest way to open a call with a reporter.”  Note to self: Connolly prefers e-mail pitches.

The final tip

For important media, call and pitch the story yourself. You are the business owner, says Connolly. “Whatever you do, don’t have a summer intern call around with news releases. That is an insult unless they are calling a 23-year-old reporter who is starting out.”

Send your pitches to Connolly@cbsnewyork.com.

PS: I invite you to take a peek at my new Kindle book, The Badass Book of Social Media and Business Communication. It’s packed with tips and insights on creating news, blogging, communication, and more!

10 communication things every entrepreneur must know

guitar in bar in CCIt’s been 4,745 days of being self-employed.  In April, 2001, I started my PR and communications company.   

A few years ago, my accountant, who is also self-employed, shared his definition of an entrepreneur:

“I am a self-employed individual working for a lunatic.”

As I mark this proud milestone, I have taken time to reflect on the entrepreneurial roller coaster I have ridden.

Here are 10 communication tactics every small business owner must know:

1. You must know how to sell. Too many people decide to hang their shingle out only to learn they don’t know bubkus about sales. Entrepreneurs must be diligent at developing the self-confidence, attitude,   discipline, and perseverance to ask people to hand over their hard-earned money.

 2. You must live the ‘publish or perish’ mentality. In my pre-blogging days, I wrote bylined articles for trade publications and membership newsletters. Early on, I landed a spot as a columnist for the Princeton (NJ) Business Journal. I generated content and built my credibility. My volunteer gig lasted more than two years, and ended when the paper merged with another publication.   

 3. You must be willing to speak in public. You were brave enough to launch a small business. There’s no time for being shy or nervous. Partner with a networking group to be the guest expert at a meeting, conference, or webinar. You’ll be front and center with dozens of potential prospects interested in your topic. Beats cold-calling.  

 4. You must be able to validate others.  Validation is an acknowledgement that the other person (your prospect or client) is being heard. Validation is proof that you are listening. For example:  “I can imagine that the loss of your vendor has been difficult.”  

 5. You must know how to ask for what you need.  No one expects you to know everything. That’s why there are contact lists, databases, and rolodexes filled with names of people who can provide products and services to you. Get rid of this self-induced pressure and be willing to speak up. Asking for help is a sign of a true leader.

 6. You must be able to identify your ideal customers. This is accomplished by self-communication. Ask yourself: Who do I enjoy working with? What niche am I passionate about? Who needs my expertise? Do these people have the budget or resources to pay me?

 7. You must have thick skin. People can be awfully mean. They say crap that’s not helpful or positive. Entrepreneurs are so fully vested in their own businesses that it’s hard not to take things personally. Don’t take the BS to heart.

8. You must communicate patience when educating people. Clients do business with you because you offer a valuable product or service that they want or need.  You, on the other hand, are entrenched in your niche or business and will have to slow down to educate those who don’t know all the ins and outs like you do.

 9. You must develop charisma. Charisma is that special charm or personality trait that draws people to you. Self-confidence, along with a friendly and easy demeanor, will take you a long way in business.

 10. You must be willing to reinvent yourself. Chances are you are planning to be self-employed for a long time. Businesses and people change. It’s a given. How can you effectively communicate changes in your messages and direction, without alienating people?

Cheers to the brave small business owners around the world! What have you learned along the journey?

3 reasons email interviews stink

 Audrey Hepburn

When a reporter or blogger is looking for a source, it’s important to recognize there are significant disadvantages to participating in an email interview and not a typical phone interview.

Are e-mail interviews the lazy person’s way to get information? Many media requests listed on HARO (Help a Reporter Out) stipulate interviews will be conducted via e-mail.

It seems a growing number of people skip the human element of exchanging pleasantries and instead hide behind their keyboards. For me, it’s simple. I prefer to talk rather than type. You?

Sure,  in our busy worlds, there’s a certain convenience to receiving information electronically. But e-mail interviews lack a critical communication dynamic that’s present when a reporter takes the time to speak with a source.

Without dialogue, the art of give-and-take doesn’t exist at a deep level.

Nudging our curiosity

We must also recognize the role that our natural curiosity plays in the interview process. Even if 10 rounds of e-mails are traded, the content will never match that of a human conversation.

The reason?  E-mail deprives a reporter or blogger the opportunity to spark their own curiosity and possibly uncover new insights and content. Nudging our curiosity is essential in developing content and learning new things. Curiosity and education go hand-in-hand.    

E-mail interviews detract from the fundamental news-gathering process because they:

Lack the human exchange and conversation that gives life to interviews.  I have interviewed thousands of people, from homeless individuals to presidents. Each was conducted in-person or on the telephone. And each response within a conversation typically sparked a follow-up question or slight tangent that I, as a trained journalist and news reporter, could never have anticipated. This is why scripted Q&A doesn’t compare with live interviews. E-mail misses our communication nuances, speech patterns, and vocal vitality. These live exchanges—fueled by a natural curiosity—improved the quality of information I had been gathering that simply cannot exist in an e-mail interview.  

Fail to capture the essence of the source that’s being interviewed. Based on the perspectives I have shared above, we now turn to the actual writing of the story. When a reporter or blogger is finished gathering material and is ready to sit down and write, I wonder if they can truly capture the essence of a story in the same way a counterpart could who spoke with a source.   Yes, any reporter can miss the mark and fail to truly “get” the story. But why increase the odds?  

Keep people from using their communication skills. Typing responses to a series of questions limits our verbal communication and rapport building skills. We have all sent and received electronic messages that were misconstrued in some way.  In phone interviews, tone of voice, rhythm, pacing, pauses, and enthusiasm help reporters grasp a story and the person behind it. Human to human. Some reporters even prefer to Skype with sources, as the visual adds an additional layer of valuable communication. Skype and in-person interviews allow the reporter or blogger to observe a source’s body language, which is a significant factor in our verbal and nonverbal communication. 

Do you agree or have an experience to share? Your comments are welcome.  

PS: Want to learn tons of tips and ideas for pitching news stories and working with the media? Order my new Kindle book, The Badass Book of Social Media and Business Communication.

8 classic quotes from New York Mayor Ed Koch

kochThe beloved former Mayor of New York City, Ed Koch passed away early today.

He may be gone, but he leaves behind a trove of sound bites and quotes for us to enjoy. 

Koch was a three-term mayor in New York (1978-1989), a time defined by near financial ruin, government corruption, and AIDS. He was an author and activist. He even appeared on The People’s Court.

A man who often asked people, ”How’m I doin’?,”  Koch has been described as acid-tongued, feisty, and pretentious. He was an iconic New Yorker. 

I remember Ed Koch’s press conferences and interviews being laced with ‘ah’s’ and ‘ums’. These are the cardinal sins of Toastmasters and professional speakers.

But for Ed Koch, his vocal habits weren’t sinful. They defined him as being real. Mayor Koch spoke his mind. There was nothing tricky about him. Koch’s press conferences showed him without a jacket, sporting a wrinkled shirt, and rolled-up sleeves. Watch out.

Maybe you followed him on Twitter @Mayoredkoch

Here are some classics to shed light on how Mayor Koch communicated and lived:  

1. “I know many writers who first dictate passages, then polish what they have dictated. I speak, then I polish. Occasionally I do windows.”

 2. “You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it’s good for one’s self-respect to be a punching bag.”

3. “Tone can be as important as text.”

4. His advice to young people: “Enjoy what you’re doing or don’t do it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult or won’t challenge you, but if you are involved in something that’s causing you to say, ‘Why am I doing this?’ then you’re in the wrong business.”

5. The Mayor, who had never married, was asked by reporters about his sexuality. His response: ”My answer to questions on this subject is simply, ‘F— off.’ There have to be some private matters left.”

6. Koch’s spokesman George Arzt remembered Hizzoner’s sense of humor. “I got into the car and said I couldn’t believe how a kid who grew up in Williamsburg was now sitting next to the mayor. Then the mayor said: “Oh shut, up. Everybody comes from somewhere.”

7. In one of his last interviews, Koch told Vanity Fair Magazine: “At age 88, I wake up every morning and say to myself, ‘Well, I’m still in New York. Thank you, God.’”  

8. In 1983, Mayor Koch bought a burial plot at the Trinity Church Cemetery. It was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had space. Koch, who was Jewish, told the Associated Press: ”I don’t want to leave Manhattan, even when I’m gone. This is my home. The thought of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me.” Soon after he purchased the burial plot, Mayor Koch had an engraved marker placed at the site. It has the last words of slain journalist Daniel Pearl: ”"My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.”

 Rest in peace, Mayor Koch. 

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The business of improving leadership and communication

WallyHow horrified were you these past few weeks as members of Congress huddled in cliques to avoid their self-imposed ‘fiscal cliff’? 

One thing I noticed about our elected officials: No one was wearing a shirt that states, “Plays nice with others.”

That’s because they don’t play nice. Their communication skills, manners, leadership, and basic common sense stand to be scrutinized. A frustrated electorate watched in disgust as our busy and ineffective representatives who have taken an oath of serving the public managed to give themselves pay raises. The days were passing, the media pundits were yapping, the fiscal cliff was looming, and suddenly all the clocks on Capitol Hill had stopped.

Where was the trainer who was supposed to provide a presentation on time management? Didn’t Congress get the memo? How could such an important issue have been pushed off to the last few hours of 2012?   

This is not about political parties. This post is about the core of communication and leadership. It’s about a political system that needs to be run like a business.   

The definition of scary

Existing in the imaginary world of the Beltway has clearly taken a toll on the players and processes. There are many politicians who have had brilliant business experiences outside of DC. Until our government can begin to operate like a business, and not an inefficient, bloated bureaucracy stuffed with people masquerading as leaders, the American people are screwed.  Are these public servants really serving us? Or are they too caught up in their own egos, power struggles, and hidden agendas? 

Could a business treat its customers like this and be successful? No way.

Back to basics

I’ve been writing extensively about interpersonal communication and leadership. My new book, The Badass Book of Social Media and Business Communication offers numerous sections that can serve as a primer for our politicians.

Let’s look at a few key areas in which our representatives, including President Obama, have failed miserably. And let us understand that if our elected officials pulled any of this nonsense in private business, they would be unemployed.  If the government could get out of its own way and operate on basic business values, we would all be better off.

Interpersonal skills: Getting stuck in problems is not an option. Strong leaders envision positive and amicable outcomes before the negotiations begin. They are adept at finding similarities instead of focusing on differences. They are masters at conflict resolution.

Time management: True leaders plan their work and don’t scramble at the 11th hour to reach an agreement or resolve an important issue. Cramming may work for college students but has no place in business. Leaders also don’t get backed into a corner of “we’re on holiday break.” They understand the importance of the task at hand and work until it’s completed. No exceptions. No excuses. I have to believe Congress and President Obama knew that Christmas and New Year’s were on the calendar.   

Communicating with empathy:  The Arbinger Institute is a global business leadership and training company. They describe people with poor communication skills as “in the box.” These folks are isolated and treat others as objects, not as human beings with feelings and emotions. Leaders who are “inside the box” behave as if they are better than others. They lack emotional intelligence.

When people are “outside the box”, they show compassion and care for their fellow humans. If two people in a conversation are both “in the box”, there’s little room for progress, negotiation, and positive outcomes. The following example in Arbinger’s Leadership and Self-Deception will resonate with you:  

You’re sitting on a crowded bus and the seat next to you is empty. Do you put your bag on it and hide behind your newspaper hoping no one will squeeze in? We’ve all been on both sides of this situation—the one who is seated and “in the box”, and the stressed passenger desperately searching for a place to sit down. If the seated passenger was “out the box”, he would make eye contact and smile at someone, silently sending a welcome signal to take the open seat.

The 113th Congressional session is underway.  “Business as usual” on Capitol Hill is a frightening thought.

 

What does social media mean to you?

fence graffitiCommunication, conversation, and connection.

These are just a few of the words used by 10 Twitter stars who I asked to define social media.  Don’t mind the abbreviations; the goal was to offer a definition in 140 characters or less. 

Feel free to comment below and share your own 140 character snippet.

1. SM allows me to participate in discussions about entrepreneurship that I hope will one day change the world. I also get to give back. @BrianMoran

2. Social=meaning friendly gathering. Media=form of communication. Reminding us to gather friendly when we communicate with others. @JessicaNorthey

3. SM has totally shifted the way that small & large businesses connect with audience. It is about the hand shake, conversation, relationship online. @MamaBritt

4. Social Media = Global Diversity – The ability to have a local, national or global & inclusive conversation. Do you have what it takes? @FleeJack

5. Social media is a great way to share insight & connect with people globally. It’s the perfect give & get communications medium. @Rieva

6. Welcome to the ‘Age of Influence,’ where anyone can build an audience, build relationships, effect change… and make a difference. @TedRubin

7. Social media is a great way to connect and inspire your target audience. It is also a great place to build real relationships with those you want. @RayHigdon

8. It’s an opportunity to ‘meet’ people you would have never met otherwise, to share what you know and learn some too! @LeadToday

9. SM is an unprecedented opportunity 2 elevate/expand ur influence. Each tweet/share is a chance 2B more informed, amazed & appreciative. @AngelaMaiers

10. SM gives me the ability to make wonderful connections with people that would be all but impossible in an analog world. @MackCollier

Be sure to follow these folks on Twitter and other social channels. They are smart, savvy, and succinct!

Communicators: You are in sales

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Don’t be shocked, but marketing, PR, and communications pros are in sales.

Think about it.

We are:    

  • Selling messages to clients
  • Selling ourselves to execs in the C-suite
  • Selling (pitching) stories to the media
  • Selling our time
  • Selling our intellectual capital
  • Selling our creativity
  • Selling access to our media and social contacts

 

To be a holistic business communicator, it’s time to stop selling and start building. Build your listening skills and relationships with prospects, the C-suite, colleagues, and reporters. We must move away from the “What can we get?” attitude to “What can we give?”

The holistic communicator

In a typical day, people are trying to get our e-mail addresses. They are trying to get us to sign-up for something. They are trying to get our hard-earned money. They are trying to get access to our personal information. They are often trying to get over on us. Get, get, get. This approach only brings short-lived success.  

The flip side of get, get, get is give, give, give. 

The most successful people in business are those who focus on what they can give to others, and not what they can get, get, get. High achievers are comfortable in deflecting attention away from themselves. These givers have absolute faith that by being tuned in to others, success will one day come to them. Individuals who live by this mindset aren’t in a hurry to get the deal. Instead, their priority is to build relationships and give value. The givers trust that they will be rewarded with abundance because that’s the way the universe works.

The proof of this is most evident in sales. When people in sales stop chasing money and shift their attention to genuinely helping a prospect, they won’t have to sell anything. Prospects will want to buy from them based on the generosity of the relationship. 

Say what?

Our attention is a hot commodity.

The concept of silent listening is the genesis of holistic business. Silent listening requires us to mentally slow down and quiet the unrelenting soundtrack that plays in our heads 24/7. Silent listening requires our undivided attention, free of distractions, judgments, and response planning. It calls for us to be fully present and in the moment.

How many times have you asked someone a question that you were genuinely interested in and as soon as they responded, your mind was jumping around aimlessly with random thoughts?

These mental interruptions occur in a flash. They pull us away from conversations and leave us at a disadvantage as we miss important information that is essential to connecting with people.

For example, you are meeting with a prospect about doing PR for their credit union. Someone mentions that they have ‘service centers,’ not branches. If you write up a proposal to promote their 18 branches, you lose. A split second distraction becomes a costly lesson. 

Silent listening is an essential business skill. It shows people that you are fully engaged, and care about the message.

Welcome to sales. 

PS: I invite you to take a peek at my new Kindle book, published today!

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4 reasons text messages are killing our communication

Twenty years ago today, the first text message was sent. My, how the 160-character Short Message Service (SMS) has rocked our communication.

Yes, there is a convenience to being able to access your peeps in a flash. I can’t count the number of times I’ve sent or received texts in the grocery store about items missing from the shopping list. Very important.

But communicators and parents alike know that the art and science of texting is impacting our social and education systems in ways that could never have been imagined.

Think about these four reasons text messages are killing our communication:

1. Reduce the need for in-depth conversations. Have you texted people as a form of avoidance? A few abbreviated words keep people from meaningful dialogues and face-to-face communication. This also diminishes the importance of body language in our communication. :( (

2. Dumb down spelling and grammar. ‘Txtspk’ leads to deficiencies in basic language skills. Shortcuts with spelling, punctuation, and emoticons aren’t helping children and teenagers learn the necessary writing and communication skills they need for college and the workforce. Are these convenient shortcuts, acronyms, and abbreviations giving way to generations of lazy and sloppy communicators? (Gr8)

3. Distract us from being fully present. Earlier this year, the industry association representing wireless communications (CTIA) reported that more than 184 billion text messages were sent a month in the U.S. These messages interrupt our brain functions and attention. Texting pulls our focus away from the people and tasks we are experiencing at the moment, depriving us of being completely present in our lives. (IRL=In Real Life)

4. Invite ambiguity. Joel Willans writes on Nokia.com: “The format of 160 characters was determined in 1993 by a communications researcher, Friedham Hillebrand. While trying to standardize the technology that would allow cell phones to transmit and display messages, he discovered that the average sentence or question needed just 160 characters.” This leaves too many opportunities to mistakenly read between the lines. (SWYP=So What’s Your Problem)

Thx 4 readng. Comment b-low.

Musings from a new 50-year-old

Today’s my “big birthday.” 5-0.

I won’t reflect on ”Where did the time go?” 

I won’t say 50 is the new 30. Gravity tells me otherwise.

I will say that this past week I have become remarkably indifferent about this birthday.

I was going to write a post such as, “50 things PR has taught me.” Or, ”50 snappy lessons from a 50-year-old.” Blah, blah, blah.

Instead, let’s go back 25 years. It’s 1987. On my 25th birthday, I sat in the den in the house I grew up in and talked with my mom. 

When she expressed shock that I was 25 (and she wasn’t), I responded that I hadn’t accomplished much in 25 years. But of course, a mother’s wisdom emerged with this gem: 

“You’ve been in school for most of your 25 years. It’s the next 25 years that will be more telling. G-dwilling, we should revisit this conversation when you’re 50. Then if you say that you haven’t done much, that’s a different story.”  

Good point.

Today, I’m blessed that my parents are still with me and have seen my accomplishments these past 25 years. Naturally, they have been there for the rough patches, too. Which leads me to being grateful for my own two children, my husband, Andrew, my sisters, brother-in-law and their families. Throw in a big extended family, too. 

As a 50-year-old, I will share this with you: 

  • I checked the mirror this morning to make certain I didn’t wake up with a moustache. Mood swings: Stay tuned. 
  • I have stopped short of cutting my hair like Jamie Lee Curtis. 
  • I still get a peculiar look on my face when I look in the garage at my 2012 Hyundai Elantra. It’s a far cry from my first car, a 1981 Chevy Camaro. 

 

It’s been a hell of a run these past 25 years.

Big plans for me? Not so much. I won’t be spending time trying to figure out what the next two decades may bring.  

Instead, I’ll be busy taking a few deep breaths and enjoying the blessings of the moment.

Every day should be celebrated like this. It’s all I’ve got.