Specializing in social marketing and business communications training

10 communication quotes to remember the beloved James Gandolfini and Tony Soprano

tony sopranoNews spread like wildfire on Twitter and other social networks Wednesday night as we learned that 51-year-old actor James Gandolfini had passed away. 

Gandolfini won three Emmy awards for his role as New Jersey mob chief Tony Soprano in the HBO drama, “The Sopranos.”  

But off-screen, people who knew Gandolfini said he was quite different from the gruff character we watched on TV.

Here are five communication-related insights into James Gandolfini, the New Jersey native who graduated from Rutgers University and appeared on Broadway:  

  • “’The Sopranos’ all came down to the writing. I wouldn’t have been on for as long as I was if the writing weren’t so good.”
  • “I’ve been very lucky, considering what I look like and what I do.”
  • “Good writing will bring you to places you don’t even expect sometimes.”
  • “Part of the fun of acting is the research, finding out about other people.”
  • “Standing in public in other people’s clothes, pretending to be someone else. It’s a strange way for a grown man to make a living.”

 

On screen, Tony Soprano’s vernacular was a bit different. Tony, the character, will be remembered for his Jersey demeanor and sharp tongue.

On leadership: “You’re supposed to be earners. That’s why you’ve got the top positions.”

On accountability: “It’s my mess. All my choices we wrong.”

On rules: “If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.”

On feelings: “Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman’s Sampler? ”

On wise guys: “One thing about us wise guys. The hustle never ends.”

In 2009, James Gandolfini appeared on “Inside the Actor’s Studio.” Host James Lipton ended the interview with a question he poses to all of his guests: “If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?” Gandolfini paused, smiled, and said, “Take over for a while, I’ll be right back!”

 

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10 communication things every entrepreneur must know

guitar in bar in CCIt’s been 4,745 days of being self-employed.  In April, 2001, I started my PR and communications company.   

A few years ago, my accountant, who is also self-employed, shared his definition of an entrepreneur:

“I am a self-employed individual working for a lunatic.”

As I mark this proud milestone, I have taken time to reflect on the entrepreneurial roller coaster I have ridden.

Here are 10 communication tactics every small business owner must know:

1. You must know how to sell. Too many people decide to hang their shingle out only to learn they don’t know bubkus about sales. Entrepreneurs must be diligent at developing the self-confidence, attitude,   discipline, and perseverance to ask people to hand over their hard-earned money.

 2. You must live the ‘publish or perish’ mentality. In my pre-blogging days, I wrote bylined articles for trade publications and membership newsletters. Early on, I landed a spot as a columnist for the Princeton (NJ) Business Journal. I generated content and built my credibility. My volunteer gig lasted more than two years, and ended when the paper merged with another publication.   

 3. You must be willing to speak in public. You were brave enough to launch a small business. There’s no time for being shy or nervous. Partner with a networking group to be the guest expert at a meeting, conference, or webinar. You’ll be front and center with dozens of potential prospects interested in your topic. Beats cold-calling.  

 4. You must be able to validate others.  Validation is an acknowledgement that the other person (your prospect or client) is being heard. Validation is proof that you are listening. For example:  “I can imagine that the loss of your vendor has been difficult.”  

 5. You must know how to ask for what you need.  No one expects you to know everything. That’s why there are contact lists, databases, and rolodexes filled with names of people who can provide products and services to you. Get rid of this self-induced pressure and be willing to speak up. Asking for help is a sign of a true leader.

 6. You must be able to identify your ideal customers. This is accomplished by self-communication. Ask yourself: Who do I enjoy working with? What niche am I passionate about? Who needs my expertise? Do these people have the budget or resources to pay me?

 7. You must have thick skin. People can be awfully mean. They say crap that’s not helpful or positive. Entrepreneurs are so fully vested in their own businesses that it’s hard not to take things personally. Don’t take the BS to heart.

8. You must communicate patience when educating people. Clients do business with you because you offer a valuable product or service that they want or need.  You, on the other hand, are entrenched in your niche or business and will have to slow down to educate those who don’t know all the ins and outs like you do.

 9. You must develop charisma. Charisma is that special charm or personality trait that draws people to you. Self-confidence, along with a friendly and easy demeanor, will take you a long way in business.

 10. You must be willing to reinvent yourself. Chances are you are planning to be self-employed for a long time. Businesses and people change. It’s a given. How can you effectively communicate changes in your messages and direction, without alienating people?

Cheers to the brave small business owners around the world! What have you learned along the journey?

How ‘breaking news’ got broken

snakeoilHow exactly did the process of gathering news get to this point? 

We have allowed news readers to go on-the-air and vomit ambiguous language that holds no one accountable.

This is not the first time we have witnessed the media—with its authoritative voice and sheer power—destroy its own credibility.

The reporting of terrorism this week at the Boston Marathon, and the subsequent manhunt for the two suspects, left many ordinary people miffed about how news is gathered and shared. 

These past few years, I have watched breaking news stories and 24-hour channels that have repeatedly made sloppy assumptions that mainstream media should never have allowed. 

But it’s gotten so bad this week that people with no behind-the-scenes knowledge of how news decisions are made, have been mortified. I’ve worked as a news director and news reporter. I am beyond mortified.  

These five phrases have contributed to our damaged news coverage: 

1. “We believe that it’s likely…” My take: Accuracy trumps vague.  

2. “We are trying to follow-up on unconfirmed reports…” My take: Action trumps words. 

3. “There’s speculation from a variety of unnamed sources…” My take: Fact trumps speculation.

4. “We are just as confused as you are as we try to put the pieces together…” My take: Clarity trumps confusion.

5. “We have no new information.” My take: New information trumps empty words.

Veteran network newsman and strategist David Henderson writes:  

“The media–especially cable TV–is like a drunk on a binge, and cannot control their near-insane rush for dramatic announcements, replete with bold red warnings of apocalyptic disaster on the screen. Everything is an ‘Alert’ or ‘Breaking News.’ Yet, it seldom is. Wolf Blitzer saying over and over that John King has ‘exclusive information’ is not news. It’s promotion, publicity, boasting. As it turned in the Boston terror story, King’s ‘exclusive’ information was wrong. King was a font of misinformation … gossip.”

People around the world have been offering prayers for the victims and people of Boston.

Let us also extend a prayer for the pained news media. 

 

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7 communication gems from the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher

Margaret ThatcherLong before the Iron Chef was the buzz, the world had the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher.

The first woman to serve as prime minister of Great Britain passed away today after suffering a stroke.

Margaret Thatcher is being remembered around the world as a pioneer for women and politics. Some have called Lady Thatcher divisive and influential, noting her communication style and leadership. 

The Guardian, a London Daily, described the 87-year-old as “the most dominant British prime minister since Winston Churchill in 1940 and a global champion of the late 20th century free market economic revival.” 

Thatcher, a conservative and close ally of President Ronald Reagan, served from 1979 until 1990. She was the longest-serving prime minister of the postwar era.

Here are seven quotes that capture the essence of Mrs. Thatcher’s philosophy, values, and communication.  

1. “Of course, it is the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.”

2. “In politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” 

3. “You don’t tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive.”

4. “If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time and you would achieve nothing.”  — May 3, 1989, commenting on her 10th anniversary as prime minister.

5. “To those waiting with bated breath for that favourite media catchphrase, the U-turn, I have only one thing to say: You turn if you want to. The lady’s not for turning.”  —At a Conservative Party conference, 1980

6. “I don’t mind how much my minister’s talk, as long as they do what I say.”

7. “Any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be nearer to understanding the problems of running a country.” —1979

Finally, actress Meryl Steep who portrayed Margaret Thatcher in the Oscar-winning movie, The Iron Lady, said today: “She was a figure of awe for her personal strength and grit.”

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The 10 best things to do to supercharge your career

BBQ pit at Salt Lick

 

 

 

 

 

These are rhetorical questions: Are you looking for some excitement? Are you caught up in a bland routine at work?

If things are a bit mundane, consider these 10 points:  

  1. Go away. I’m not talking about a vacation, simply take a day off and bring your journal to a place that’s at least six miles away from your home or office. A change of scenery does wonders. Plan a get-away once a quarter, especially when you’re stressed.
  2. Keep your promises. The most important promises are the ones we make to ourselves. If you have vowed to take a class, get a certification, or revise your résumé, get going! Feeling stuck is a real drag.
  3. Read often. Learn from the great ones like Gandhi, Harry Truman, Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, and Steve Jobs. Read their biographies and autobiographies. If you’re pressed for time—and who isn’t? —read magazine articles about successful people you’d like to emulate. Consider these people your mentors.  
  4. Train yourself to think fast. When the power at the Super Bowl was zapped, the biggest buzz was not about the game and electricity as it was about dunking Oreo cookies in the dark. Nabisco makes Oreos, and it was Nabisco, Walgreens, and Tide that immediately jumped onto Twitter with snappy marketing nuggets. Not only did employees think fast, they took immediate action and created quite a buzz. This leads me to No. 5…
  5. Avoid procrastination. When something needs to be done, get right to it. Putting it off will only cause stress and anxiety. Actor Denzel Washington says that he and his wife have raised their four children with this rule: “Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.”
  6. Be accountable for yourself. Do not blame other people. Take full responsibility for your actions and words.
  7. Always do your best. This is one of the points that author Don Miguel Ruiz shared in his book, The Four Agreements.  Every day we are faced with a plethora of choices. Many decisions we make aren’t in our own best interest. I’ll call my client tomorrow. I’ll just throw together this report. The key is that your best will vary. If you have a cold on Tuesday, your best will not be the same on Friday when you’re feeling better. Don’t compare; just do your best in each and every moment.  
  8. Focus on tech. Commit to learning two or three new tech tools each month. Consider what’s hot in your field and what your competitors are utilizing. You may decide after toying around with a new program or platform that it’s not for you. And that is OK.   
  9. Quit criticizing, judging, and complaining. These three habits destroy people and relationships. They drain our energy and interfere with our potential and achievements. Be aware of how you behave.  
  10. Expect good things to happen. When we anticipate good things, they usually happen. If you expect happiness, love and success, they will begin showing up in your life. If you focus on the negative, these will show up as well. It’s like ordering food in a restaurant. You generally get what you ask for.  If you don’t like what you’re getting in life, send it back. Be clear about what you want.

Which of these can you begin right away? Share your successes below!

8 classic quotes from New York Mayor Ed Koch

kochThe beloved former Mayor of New York City, Ed Koch passed away early today.

He may be gone, but he leaves behind a trove of sound bites and quotes for us to enjoy. 

Koch was a three-term mayor in New York (1978-1989), a time defined by near financial ruin, government corruption, and AIDS. He was an author and activist. He even appeared on The People’s Court.

A man who often asked people, ”How’m I doin’?,”  Koch has been described as acid-tongued, feisty, and pretentious. He was an iconic New Yorker. 

I remember Ed Koch’s press conferences and interviews being laced with ‘ah’s’ and ‘ums’. These are the cardinal sins of Toastmasters and professional speakers.

But for Ed Koch, his vocal habits weren’t sinful. They defined him as being real. Mayor Koch spoke his mind. There was nothing tricky about him. Koch’s press conferences showed him without a jacket, sporting a wrinkled shirt, and rolled-up sleeves. Watch out.

Maybe you followed him on Twitter @Mayoredkoch

Here are some classics to shed light on how Mayor Koch communicated and lived:  

1. “I know many writers who first dictate passages, then polish what they have dictated. I speak, then I polish. Occasionally I do windows.”

 2. “You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it’s good for one’s self-respect to be a punching bag.”

3. “Tone can be as important as text.”

4. His advice to young people: “Enjoy what you’re doing or don’t do it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult or won’t challenge you, but if you are involved in something that’s causing you to say, ‘Why am I doing this?’ then you’re in the wrong business.”

5. The Mayor, who had never married, was asked by reporters about his sexuality. His response: ”My answer to questions on this subject is simply, ‘F— off.’ There have to be some private matters left.”

6. Koch’s spokesman George Arzt remembered Hizzoner’s sense of humor. “I got into the car and said I couldn’t believe how a kid who grew up in Williamsburg was now sitting next to the mayor. Then the mayor said: “Oh shut, up. Everybody comes from somewhere.”

7. In one of his last interviews, Koch told Vanity Fair Magazine: “At age 88, I wake up every morning and say to myself, ‘Well, I’m still in New York. Thank you, God.’”  

8. In 1983, Mayor Koch bought a burial plot at the Trinity Church Cemetery. It was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had space. Koch, who was Jewish, told the Associated Press: ”I don’t want to leave Manhattan, even when I’m gone. This is my home. The thought of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me.” Soon after he purchased the burial plot, Mayor Koch had an engraved marker placed at the site. It has the last words of slain journalist Daniel Pearl: ”"My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.”

 Rest in peace, Mayor Koch. 

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The business of improving leadership and communication

WallyHow horrified were you these past few weeks as members of Congress huddled in cliques to avoid their self-imposed ‘fiscal cliff’? 

One thing I noticed about our elected officials: No one was wearing a shirt that states, “Plays nice with others.”

That’s because they don’t play nice. Their communication skills, manners, leadership, and basic common sense stand to be scrutinized. A frustrated electorate watched in disgust as our busy and ineffective representatives who have taken an oath of serving the public managed to give themselves pay raises. The days were passing, the media pundits were yapping, the fiscal cliff was looming, and suddenly all the clocks on Capitol Hill had stopped.

Where was the trainer who was supposed to provide a presentation on time management? Didn’t Congress get the memo? How could such an important issue have been pushed off to the last few hours of 2012?   

This is not about political parties. This post is about the core of communication and leadership. It’s about a political system that needs to be run like a business.   

The definition of scary

Existing in the imaginary world of the Beltway has clearly taken a toll on the players and processes. There are many politicians who have had brilliant business experiences outside of DC. Until our government can begin to operate like a business, and not an inefficient, bloated bureaucracy stuffed with people masquerading as leaders, the American people are screwed.  Are these public servants really serving us? Or are they too caught up in their own egos, power struggles, and hidden agendas? 

Could a business treat its customers like this and be successful? No way.

Back to basics

I’ve been writing extensively about interpersonal communication and leadership. My new book, The Badass Book of Social Media and Business Communication offers numerous sections that can serve as a primer for our politicians.

Let’s look at a few key areas in which our representatives, including President Obama, have failed miserably. And let us understand that if our elected officials pulled any of this nonsense in private business, they would be unemployed.  If the government could get out of its own way and operate on basic business values, we would all be better off.

Interpersonal skills: Getting stuck in problems is not an option. Strong leaders envision positive and amicable outcomes before the negotiations begin. They are adept at finding similarities instead of focusing on differences. They are masters at conflict resolution.

Time management: True leaders plan their work and don’t scramble at the 11th hour to reach an agreement or resolve an important issue. Cramming may work for college students but has no place in business. Leaders also don’t get backed into a corner of “we’re on holiday break.” They understand the importance of the task at hand and work until it’s completed. No exceptions. No excuses. I have to believe Congress and President Obama knew that Christmas and New Year’s were on the calendar.   

Communicating with empathy:  The Arbinger Institute is a global business leadership and training company. They describe people with poor communication skills as “in the box.” These folks are isolated and treat others as objects, not as human beings with feelings and emotions. Leaders who are “inside the box” behave as if they are better than others. They lack emotional intelligence.

When people are “outside the box”, they show compassion and care for their fellow humans. If two people in a conversation are both “in the box”, there’s little room for progress, negotiation, and positive outcomes. The following example in Arbinger’s Leadership and Self-Deception will resonate with you:  

You’re sitting on a crowded bus and the seat next to you is empty. Do you put your bag on it and hide behind your newspaper hoping no one will squeeze in? We’ve all been on both sides of this situation—the one who is seated and “in the box”, and the stressed passenger desperately searching for a place to sit down. If the seated passenger was “out the box”, he would make eye contact and smile at someone, silently sending a welcome signal to take the open seat.

The 113th Congressional session is underway.  “Business as usual” on Capitol Hill is a frightening thought.

 

Leaders: Are you managing based on love or fear?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s the magic formula of a good leader? Most people will say they admire leaders who are:

  • Strong communicators
  • Honest
  • Visionaries
  • Consensus builders
  • Strategic thinkers
  • Savvy about business
  • Enthusiastic
  • Empathetic
  • Creative
  • Patient
  • Charismatic
  • Good listeners
  • Fair
  • Approachable
  • Open to admitting mistakes
  • Willing to share credit for success and celebrate with the team

If you’ve spent more than a few years in the workplace, you may wonder if such a person exists.

Leaders — like most people—want to be liked and respected. Yet some follow the path of fear, believing that workers who are apprehensive and live with trepidation will be productive.

They come from the mindset that work is not a popularity contest.

Martin Addison writes on TrainingJournal.com:

A dictatorial management style based around fear and control can be effective for some teams or departments. For example, for those working in a set and specific role in a highly structured environment. If you want to control people and get them to undertake certain tasks, through orders and instructions, then fear and intimidation can work as a way of getting people to do what you want.
The downside is that fear creates mistrust. In an intimidating environment—or where people are fearful of losing their jobs—they may work hard but they won’t deliver to their real capability because they’ll want to ensure that they don’t make mistakes. They won’t rock the boat or take risks because they won’t want to get punished. As soon as they feel that there will be consequences if they don’t succeed, they’ll stop performing.

Does HR seem busier when a manager is feared and not loved? Some employees may complain while others are afraid to gripe to HR because of their bosses’ management style.

A more spiritual and gentler approach to supervising others comes from Tao leadership. A post on Tao-in-you.com maintains that the best leader “is one whose existence is barely known by the people.”

“I have heard my master say that nurturing life is like keeping a flock of sheep,” says author Chuang Tzu. “You lash the last sheep, and the rest will move.”
The leadership style is effective and effortless.
It is so different from bulldozing. It is Tao leadership.
You hold a whip in your hand, but you are kind to the flock. You lash only when it is absolutely necessary, and only on the last sheep—one that makes the whole flock move.
Instead of pushing, you work on the nature of the flock. Although the flock is totally under your control, it follows without knowing that you exist.
The challenge, of course, is on knowing where the last sheep is.

These two examples of leadership show us two very different approaches. Somewhere in the middle is your organizational philosophy.

After all, whether leaders manage and communicate with love, respect, or fear, it sets the tone for your corporate culture.

The 4 business communication pillars of our future

Whether you’re a digital native or a digital immigrant, business communicators must have a rock-solid foundation to succeed in our technology-centric world.

The future of our organizations —and careers — rest on these four pillars: 

1. Accessibility: Our point-of-entry to decision-makers is social media. Social channels have opened doors to the media, business leaders, decision-makers, thought leaders, and prospects that we could never have dreamed of. Are you using this new-found accessibility in an effective way? For example, on #Follow Friday (Twitter), it is nice to mention people in your circles, but be sure to include those whose attention you are trying to capture. You can also retweet them. On LinkedIn, join groups where your ideal clients hang around. Your goal: Slowly build rapport and bring the conversation offline.

2. Curation: Filtering relevant information to power your internal and external communications play a pivotal role in business. You may not be tickled with the thought of being a publisher, but sorting through news stories and posts that impact your niche, clients, and employees, has many benefits in our attention-starved world. Andrew Birmingham writes on CIOAustralia.com: “Companies are increasingly exploiting corporate social networks with the ultimate payoff being increased sales from the provision of faster and better information for customers.” Your goal: Become a trusted and valued resource.

3. Education: Intellectual capital — the content between your ears — has never been as important as it is today. You may not always admit it, but you have vast knowledge and experience that others need. Learn something new every day so you can educate others. Your goal: Sell your knowledge. 

4. Scalability: How will you manage future growth? With mobile, e-commerce, online media monitoring, brand marketing, and the Enterprise, new business models are evolving. Are you equipped to build on what you already have without business disruptions and technology disasters? Your goal: Be sure your house of cards doesn’t collapse.

Warren Buffett said: “Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”

A final thought: Check out my 21-day, free video series, Speaking of Communication. It’s packed with tips, tricks, and techniques for blogging, social media, publicity, and business communication. The box is on the top right.

 

New jobs as Chief Digital Officers emerging

What do Gannett, New York City and Columbia University have in common? 

Each has a Chief Digital Officer, or CDO, to bring together strategic business practices, technology, skilled leadership and internal and external communications. Most CDOs can be found inside of media companies, sitting just a seat or two away from the CEO.

Two years ago, there were lively conversations that CDOs were those who didn’t get the coveted title of President. Others maintained organizations that supported the CDO position were advocating for silos, the curse in marketing and communications. Today, demand for CDOs is outpacing supply.  

A complex blend of talent and leadership

Chief Digital Officers are not self-described social media gurus or community managers. CDOs have competencies in the convergence of technology, business, boards, and organizational development. 

“Business strategies now must be seamlessly interwoven with ever-expanding digital strategies that address not only the web but also mobile, social, local and whatever innovation there may be around the corner,” write Rhys Grossman and Jana Rich of Russell Reynolds Associates, a global executive search firm. In their article titled, The Rise of the Chief Digital Officer, Grossman and Rich state: ”To help meet these challenges, companies are increasingly looking for a Chief Digital Officer who can oversee the full range of digital strategies and drive change across the organization.”

To lead a business through a technological transformation is no easy task. CDOs are innovators despite internal skeptics who whisper and rant about the pitfalls of social media.  

CDOs must have the following five competencies: 

1. They must be comfortable as a possible successor to the CEO. CDOs must be able to lead a global culture and drive an online presence. He or she must be experienced in business operations, management and recruiting and retaining top talent. A CDO is a visionary, especially in our technology-based world.  

2. They must act as agents of change and grasp the underlying psychology of consensus-building and conflict resolution.   

3. They must have Board experience and solid communication skills. After all, they are the conduit between stakeholders and the C-suite.

4.  They must know how to set sound business strategies have seasoned project managers to implement them.

5. They must possess deep knowledge of technology, e-commerce, consumer behavior, and social media. This is especially important for media organizations, as CDOs are often charged with transforming analog to digital. 

Where is this person?

You may be wondering: Does such a person exist? Where do organizations find one individual who encompasses this blend of talent? 

And if you work in PR, marketing or communications, you may be curious if you have what it takes to be a Chief Digital Officer. 

Grossman and Rich maintain that people considering CDO positions “may be reluctant to join established organizations, viewing them as old fashioned.” The co-authors note that “many candidates come from cutting-edge, entrepreneurial organizations.”

Here’s another solid point that Grossman and Rich offer. ”Companies … have to move very quickly when they find and meet talent that has potential. The current state of supply and demand almost guarantees that other opportunities will be available to talented candidates.”

The bottom line about the evolving role of CDOs brings us to the real bottom line in business. Chief Digital Officers are leading new revenue streams through digital channels that can leave many people and employees feeling uneasy. 

If the CDO is unable to succeed in brand management, e-commerce, transactions, and customer engagement efforts, his or her organization can be faced with a financial disaster.